I have been avoiding the blog.
Not for any good reason... like more time cleaning my house or organizing my closets or catching up on my scrapbooking or going away to the woods on a prayer retreat or shopping for organic food or knitting my own clothes or earning money for my child's college fund.
None of that has happened.
Can you sense where this is going?
Old man Guilt is creeping in again.
"You didn't make the boy read enough this summer."
"You didn't take him to the pool enough this summer."
"You didn't lose 50 pounds this summer."
I even begin to let other people's words and actions affect how I FEEL about things. I begin to question my own God-given intuitions and decisions.
"You don't sit up and cry every night... so you must not miss your husband enough."
"You aren't very sad about school starting... so maybe you don't treasure your child enough."
"You aren't running a marathon... you must not appreciate the body God gave you."
"You aren't raising free-range chickens... you don't care about your family's health."
See what I mean?
It's NUTS!
(I'm nuts!)
For the record, no one has specifically SAID any of these things directly to me... It's all a broken record that I allow to play in my head... Loosely based on what people actually do say.
I let so much of the world influence my thoughts and motivations.
Just when we "grown-ups" think we've conquered that whole "peer pressure" thing... It comes back in other nasty forms.
Why am I so hard-headed when it comes to the truth? And the correct way to think?
"Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above...Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things."
(Colossians 3:1-2)
6 comments:
Yes, you're nuts.
I may not know you but since I read your blog, I "know" you. And you are feeding yourself lies.
Don't avoid the blog. You wont get any judgement from us. We think you're fantastic!
Awww. Autumn, that's why I love you... for the voices in your head - - because they are the same ones I hear! You know, it sounds like you need some good bench time therapy!! I'll meet you there at 3!
I love you so much! You had to be NUTS; you married me, lol! Keep looking up!
OK, I did that. I really did. I second guessed myself in the mothering department constantly. Then guess what?
I looked at my kids and they were AWESOME. Amazing! Well rounded! NORMAL!! And I realized I had to be doing something right.
So I quit doubting as much and started praising God for kids that made me look like a successful mother. I could be a slacker with no guilt (kidding about that last sentence).
YOU are doing well at making a life. I can just tell.
OH! If you cared about your family's health, you would be raising free-range chickens... you NEED to be able to say someone actually said that to you :)
I think your head is eavesdropping on my head. Let's be nuts together.
I totally agree with Dan! But you being nuts is part of what made me want to be just like you when I was little. I also have the problem of inventing problems to worry about, that nobody suggested, my mind made them up, ok no, the devil whispered them in my ear! You are a big part of all the people who helped teach me how to deal with that, and I love you for it <3
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