Mama Don't Play

When the boy was about 4 years old, he would play a little "game."  If you asked him what his daddy did, he would say,
"Daddy plays!"  In his mind, his daddy's job was to play with him.
If you asked him what I did, he would say,
"Mama don't play."  He wasn't saying I never played with him... I did that ALLDAYLONG.  He was actually saying I didn't let him "get away with" bad behavior, but his dad did.  It's no secret I'm the main disciplinarian in the family.  And Dan/Daddy is the party animal. 
We pretty much continue in those roles to this day.  I even forgot he used to say that until one day last week... when it came rushing back to me.

We were driving to a dentist appointment, and when we stopped at a red light, the boy tossed his gum out the window... onto a sidewalk.
I said, "Did you just throw your gum out onto the sidewalk?!?"
"Umm... Yes."   (At least he's honest.)

I broke into a speech about gum on the sidewalk and how I have taught him better and "Have you lost your mind?"
He tried to justify his behavior, and I said, "Get out and pick it up."  (The light was still red.) 
He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, I am."

"Why do I have to pick it up?  No one is gonna step on it."
"That is exactly why you are going to pick it up... Someone is going to step on it.  It's rude to throw gum on the sidewalk."

"We've been sitting here a long time.  What if the light changes?"
"If the light changes, I will drive around the corner and wait for you.  Get out, and pick up the gum."

With a big huffy breath, he grabbed a Kleenex, got out, and picked up the gum.
He said, "I can't believe you made me do that."
At that exact moment, I remembered his funny little phrase from 10 years ago, and I said,
"Mama don't play."

Don't you just love it when your own words come back to haunt you?

Run And Fight? Or Eat Cheese?

You may have heard the news by now.  We are on the verge of a Velveeta shortage.  There was some sort of "issue" in the moving of production from one plant to anther combined with the holiday demand and boom... less Velveeta.  Did someone tell the Velveeta boss we are only a few weeks away from the Super Bowl?  Could there be a worse time for a melty cheese(?) crisis?

Sadly, in our house, there is usually a small stockpile.  This week, however, there was none!  When I was at the store yesterday, I grabbed these babies before the stampede started.  Well... There was no stampede, and there was a good bit of Velveeta on the shelf.  Thankfully, there is now Velveeta in my pantry.

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to get fit enough to outrun and/or kill zombies in case of a zombie apocalypse.  Do you like my motivation?  Not to "look good," not for "good health"... But just to be able to fight or run from a zombie. 

I have a feeling that this whole Velveeta thing is going to undermine that resolution.  Who am I kidding?  The candy in the jar behind the cheese(?) was going to do that.  Thanks, Santa.

Maybe the zombies will wait until the cheese(?) crisis has passed.

7 Days In

Welcome to 2014.  I have to keep saying "2014" out loud to remind myself.  I've also written "2013" on several things.  I like to keep people guessing.

We're only one week into a new year, and so much has happened.  I may not be able to remember most of it due to frozen brain cells.  The "Polar Vortex" descended upon us, and it is too cold to think.  I love that name... "Polar Vortex."  How cold did it get at your house?  Our lowest low was 1 degree.  Mercy.
The news stations told us how to prepare for the extreme cold.  Drip the faucets, wrap the pipes, bring in the pets, and crank the cars.  No one told me to prepare for smoke detector Armageddon. 
Apparently, extreme cold can cause smoke detectors to malfunction.  It's true.
I spent half an afternoon trying to find a chirping smoke alarm in my house.  When I finally figured out which one needed a new battery, I discovered we had no 9-volt batteries.  I had to let it chirp until I could run out to the store and buy new ones, because smoke detectors which are hard-wired into the home security system will CONTINUE to chirp and/or SCREAM even without a battery.  It's like they're possessed.  There's nothing like standing on a ladder in your 12 degree garage while the smoke detector above you blares a high-pitched tune.  Because my hands were so cold, I dropped the battery and had to climb down, pick it up, and climb back up again.  Twice.
Today, another one started beeping. 
Then, when I went outside to warm up the car, I heard an unmistakable sound coming from the vacant house across the street.  Every smoke detector in the empty house was beeping.  It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from.  I can even hear the neighbor's alarms from our house.  Because my own weren't enough.  I may have to move. 

The "Polar Vortex" has also kept school from starting back on time.  It's been too cold for buses to crank and too cold for kids to be out.  Now, we have another day of vacation due to broken pipes and heating systems in the schools.

All this extra time at home is making the boy love me more.  I made him clean out his closet yesterday.  The start of a new year always makes me feel the need to purge our house of unnecessary stuff.  It's funny how 14 year-olds don't share that vision.

In honor of all the cleaning and purging, I turned over a bottle of soy sauce on the top shelf of the refrigerator today.  Soy sauce went everywhere.  I had to take everything out of the fridge - including all the shelves - wash it all off, and put it all back again.

If some soy sauce would spill on my front porch, maybe I would have an excuse to get the last of those Christmas lights and garland put away.

Hopefully, life will be back to normal in a few days.  We may see temperatures in the mid-fifties by the weekend, and it's safe to say I will see someone in shorts and a tank top.  I have mentioned this before, but folks dressing "out of season" is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I want to go up to them and ask, "What do you wear when it is 105?"
Then they can say to me, "Why do you still have Christmas decorations on your house?"

Happy New Year, friends!