Trick or Treat?

Now if this doesn't put you in the Halloween spirit, I don't know what would.



Ain't she a happy camper?

I mean... Ain't she a happy obese elderly cat wearing a witch hat with groovy green hair?

Let the Halloween madness begin!

What HAVE I Been Doing?

There are times - on the phone - my husband will ask me, "What have you been doing?"

He doesn't mean it sarcastically... he KNOWS I have lots of things to keep me busy.

He doesn't say it to be mean or condescending... he KNOWS that raising the boy alone is as hard as being in a war zone. At times, it is a war zone.

He really just wants to know what activities we've filled our days with. What keeps us occupied.

And here lately... I have no idea.

I wake up, and before I know it... it's bedtime again.

It's all a blur.

A blur that looks a lot like a really cute, but tiring, 10 year-old.

And so I give you... a moment in my day, honey. Multiply this scene X 24 hours, and then you'll know exactly what I've been doing.


Monday afternoon. 3:32 pm.

The boy: "Beep. Beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"
"Ba-whooop. Ba-whooop."
"Bee-boo. Bee-boo."
"Oh-wee. Oh-wee. Oh-weeee-beepbeep."
"Bwap. Bwap. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. Bwap."

Me: "How in the world can you be doing homework while you're making all those robot noises?"

The boy: "It's just easy math; it helps me concentrate."

The boy: "And I like it."

(More various assorted noises and singing.)

The boy: "I'm watching you."

The boy: "With these two eyes."

Oh The Weirdness Of It All

Do you ever feel like you're on Candid Camera? (Did I just reveal my age?)

You know... do you ever feel like the things that are happening around you and to you are a huge practical joke? As if, at any moment, a host with big hair and a fake smile is gonna pop out and say,

"Surprise! You're on our new hidden camera game show!"

Last night, after AWANAS (kids' Bible clubs), I scooted through the Burger King drive-in to feed the boy. I wanted him to have a hot and nutritious meal before heading off to bed.

I pulled up to order, and the voice said,

"Welcome to Burger King. Can I take your order? We are all out of burger meat and steak-burger meat."

Turning to my little co-pilot, I said,

"Did she just say they were out of BURGER meat?"

"Yep," he said, "I think so."

"OK," I said, "I'll have a kid's chicken nugget meal, please."

As we "pull forward to the second window," I can't help but wonder just how many people came (like us) for a burger tonight. This place is on an Army base, folks. LOTS of young hungry soldiers... looking for food. And the line for the drive-thru is usually out the wazoo. Whatever that is.

At the window, as she took my money, I could not suppress my curiosity (or my mouth).

"Did you really say you guys were out of BURGER meat? As in, no BURGERS?"

"Yep," she said, "That's right."

I couldn't stop myself. The sarcasm rolled out faster than I could think...

"But this is 'BURGER' KING," I said.

I don't know how to put her reply into words. It was more of a sound. Like a groan and a grunt combined. She wasn't rude. She seemed to be wondering the same thing as me.

When is the hidden camera guy gonna pop out?

And by the way, did you know that some chickens produce nuggets in the shape of tiny little crowns?

Go BK, I say! If you're gonna run out of beef, at least you can serve us fancy royal nuggets.

Let's Just Say It's Only Been 10 Years

Whew.
I'm spent. Done.

We're back home after an extra long weekend at my parents' house, and you all know how much I love getting back to reality.

I had myself an excellent time at the reunion. It was amazing to see how GREAT everyone looked. And how we all turned into relatively normal adults. We laughed and talked and laughed and talked and no one broke a hip... we partied like it was 1989.

Except with mortgages and minivans and less hair on the dudes. And way less hair on us gals. We spent part of the evening wondering just why... back in the day... we felt it necessary to poof our hair up into the stratosphere. The hair was B I G, folks. Big. Huge.

Thank you, Lord, for some changes.

And thank you, Lord, for friends. Even after all these years, it felt like only yesterday that we were all 18. I went to school with these people from Kindergarten to Senior Year. They were like my family. And it feels like they still are.









The boy had himself a mighty fine weekend as well. He tromped around the farm behind my dad. He spent 3 whole days shooting at things, poking dead things with sticks, eating greasy hot dogs, eating an entire bag of Chick-o-Sticks, and riding his 4 wheeler. While I was at my reunion, he and his grandparents ordered pizza and rented a movie. Ahhhh... to be 10 again.

Or, 18.

Does This Shirt Match My Walker?

As I may have mentioned before, my high school reunion is coming up. "Up" as in, this weekend.

And I can tell you exactly what I've done to prepare myself to see these people I haven't seen since we were all MUCH younger.

Not. A. Thing.

That's right. Oh, I had plans, let me tell you. I was gonna drop a few pounds, get myself into kick-boxer shape, and get some Botox. Remember?

Instead, I got myself some germs. Germs that have pretty much incapacitated me for the last 10 days.

After 2 trips to the doctor, 2 flu tests, 1 strep test, one peak flow meter breathing test, one respiratory infection test that I SWEAR PULLED OUT BRAIN MATTER, 2 finger pricks, and 1 chest X-ray....

I have some kind of infection. Medical marvels.

I also have an antibiotic, some steroids for the whole breathing issue, and some mighty fine cough medicine. Translation... narcotics=sleep.

So I dragged my feeling better self out today to find the outfit. You know, the one that will make everyone say,
"Wow! You look great!"
"You haven't changed a bit since graduation!"
"You could pass for 21!"

Let me just pop your Class of '89 balloon right now and tell you... that outfit does not exist.

I may just settle for a new top or a pedicure.

And a puff of my inhaler to get me through the night.

My cousin, who also graduated the same year (and will be at the reunion), posted a great Facebook comment recently. He said we may need a doctor on hand Saturday night in case someone falls and breaks a hip. Oh my. Now that's funny.

But don't make me laugh too hard, 'cause I'll start coughing and then probably tinkle a little bit in my cute jeans.

Who Put Rocks in My Throat?

Happy October, Bloggity World.
Wish I felt more like celebrating.
You see... I have swallowed some rocks. Well, not really. It just feels like I did.
Mr. Army doctor said,

"It's not H1N1."
"It's not strep."
"It's congestion from... probably a virus. Your ears and nose and throat are all closed up."

Well, duh.
And, he failed to mention that some rocks have moved in down my throat.

On a much brighter note, we have had ourselves some genuine Fall-like weather. Thanks you, Lord. I was totally finished with that whole hot and humid summer stuff. Finished.

I put out some scarecrows and a hay bale on my front porch.
The guy at the farmer's market looked at me kinda odd when I asked him to load the hay for me.

I said, "My son and I are both allergic to hay."

I read his mind, and he was thinking, "Well then... dumb lady... why are you buying it?"

'Cause it looks darn cute on my front porch and I had to have something to stick my scarecrows into... they kept falling over.

I know what you're thinking... hay allergy=sore throat

Nope. The rocks were there long before the hay.

Now I just have to get well before next weekend. It's my ___th Year High School Reunion.
I am so excited to live close enough (for once!) to be able to go! A lot of us old timers have re-connected on Facebook, and I think it will be great to see everyone.

I have one week to lose 25 pounds, get some Botox, attempt to look 18 again, and get rid of this crud.

Something tells me it's gonna be a busy weekend.