You Can Call Me Grace

Remember the death flops?
I still have them, and I still wear them.
But they are apparently not my issue.

I am sitting sideways in my chair as I type this.
Not sideways as in "turned to the right or left."
Sideways as in "balancing on one booty cheek."

Last night, I fell down our steps. Good times.
I was walking downstairs to get a glass of ice water from the kitchen, because I don't like to drink water from the bathroom. The boy and Dan/Daddy swear bathroom water is God's finest form of hydration. They are weird.
I, however, prefer mine with ice and from the Britta. Call me high-maintenance.

About 5 steps from the landing, my feet slipped out from under me, and I landed hard on my hind end and bounced the rest of the way down. I somehow also managed to drag my right arm along on the carpet underneath myself.

The sound of me crashing was loud; the not-very-nice word I said was loud, too.
Dan/Daddy and the boy came running.
One of them hovered over me, waiting for my writhing and moaning to stop.
The other one laughed until I thought he'd pee his pants.
I'll let you guess which one was which.

I think the culprit was the socks I was wearing. I just slipped.
Dan/Daddy made a new household rule for me right then and there.

"You must go barefoot in this house. If you are going to wear socks in this house, you must have on shoes. Or else stay upstairs. And always hold the rail."
He really is trying.
But because I cannot live upstairs forever, I will run around in socks when he isn't here. Or when he isn't looking.

So today I have a bruise and a rug burn on my right arm.
I also have a bruise on my tailbone (I looked).
And, I have to sit sideways.

I'm walking like a 99 year-old woman. Or a 39 year-old woman who fell down her stairs.
Do you want to know why I had socks on in August? Why I am covering my feet when it's 100 degrees outside?
I have dry cracked heels. Gross. I am forever trying to soften them and make them more presentable. I had just coated them in lotion and Vaseline and put on socks to seal in the moisture.
And obviously create an health hazard in the process.

Hmmmm.... Soft heels or a broken tailbone?
So here I sit... sideways.

But I have really soft heels today.