The Book I'll Never Write

I really really really really am not making this up.
Really.

I keep saying I'm gonna write a book one day. If I ever get around to it, this story will be in there...

Here on Planet Army Base, we have to drive through gates to get home or to go out into the real world. It's not a big deal... You just can't transport lots of weapons or terrorists.

There are times when the lines are long. VERY long. A dose of patience is necessary. It's important to protect our bases and the soldiers who call them "home."

The gate guards are usually friendly, too. They always say "hello" or "have a good day." They occasionally ask how you're doing.

This week, I had the privilege of learning a new phrase from one of the gate guards.

And. Oh. My. I plan on using it.

He said, "Hello there!"

I said, "Hello to you. How are you today?"

He said, "I am doing all right. How are you?"

I said, "Oh... I am hanging in there."

And HE said, "Like a hair in a biscuit."

I promise. That's what he said. "Like a hair in a biscuit."

I was disgusted and happy all at the same time.
The thought of a hair hanging in my biscuit is yucky. But the idea of being able to use that lovely phrase myself?!?

I can hardly wait for someone to tell me that they are "hanging in there."

I wonder if I need to be wearing my shirt from the Cracker Barrel when I say it?