I think my exact words were,
"Are you trying to make me run down the street with my hair on fire?!?"
'Cause that's what I threaten when things go awry.
We (the boy and I) have been living in a two-person household for the entire month of January. Dan has been away at training. To prepare himself and his fellow soldiers for yet another "fun-filled, all-expense paid trip to the beautiful Middle East."
We USUALLY do fine when we are without him.
This month has gone by beautifully. The boy has been sweet, helpful, and very good in his daddy's absence.
However, he decided to try and make up for the entire month of angelic behavior in a 24 hour period.
First, I asked him about some missed questions on a pre-test...
The boy says, "OH MY GOSH, MOM!" (Raised voice and eye-bulging included.)
Then, I reminded him (get ready) that basketball practice was "picture night."
The boy says, "Great. I WAS having a good day until you told me that!" (Snorting and stomping included.)
There were more and more of these little incidents (mini tantrums) as the day wore on. He even asked me if I wanted to duel him in an "insult contest." (My answer was one of those beautiful and rare parenting gems, but... he was not impressed. There was more groaning and eye rolling.)
And my personal favorite...
I was trying to gather my "stuff" to head out the door to picture-taking ("hell on earth" to the boy) practice. Ending a phone call, looking for my keys, making sure I have the wallet and checkbook, turning off lights, etc., etc., etc. You know how the "fly-out-the-door moments" are, right?
Well, Mr. Funny Pants (who is waiting outside) decided that he'd play a game of "Ring and Run" with me.
He rings the doorbell.
I answer from where I'm standing (knowing it's him), "What do you need, son?"
No reply. He rings again.
I answer (louder), "If you need me, you can come inside and talk to me. I'm busy."
No reply. He rings again. And again. Ding-dong. Ding-dong. Ding-dong. Faster and faster.
When I stomp to the door to yell at him in my best red-neck momma voice, he runs.
To the front door where he proceeds to ring THAT doorbell. And laugh like a maniac.
I calmly return to my "gathering" and try not to allow the persistent ding-donging of the doorbell to get to me.
That's when the knocking started. Tapping on the windows, rapping on the doors. Tapping. Ringing. Rapping. Ringing.
You would have thought he'd recruited the neighborhood children to help him.
How is it possible for one child to run all around our house and make all that racket?
Then, I lost it.
The mind-numbing ringing and tapping and psycho giggling caused something deep inside me to snap, and I SCREAMED,
"AAGGHH! IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT AND GET IN THE CAR THIS INSTANT, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
One of my finer red-neck momma moments. (Aren't you proud, honey?)
As we drive away to practice a few moments later, I make my "hair on fire" comment.
His reply to me?
"Gosh. Girls just don't know how to take a joke."
PS... I realized last night that our side doorbell and our front doorbell have two different rings.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
My Facebook List
There's this fun little thingy going around with my Facebook friends. (Told you it was a problem.)
You have to come up with a list of 25 "random" things about yourself and then "tag" more friends to do the same.
I thought (silly me) that it would be easy. "Random" is my middle name. But, the list was more challenging than it seemed at first. I wanted to give people "new" things, or things they may not have known about moi.
It took me so long that I couldn't let all that hard work go to waste.
Well, I really thought, "Hey! Free blog post idea!" But, I think a few of my friends actually already did that. Darn. Oh well.
Please don't let the following information scare any of you away. I'm also sorry if it's dull and boring and a "repeat" of knowledge you may already have. I try.
25 Random Things About Me:
1. I am deathly afraid of snakes. Can't even look at them in books or on TV. Frogs and lizards are ok... as long as they're small.
2. I am addicted to "American Idol."
3. In my mind, County General Hospital (ER... Thursday nights at 10:00 on NBC) is a real place. Don't tell me it's not. And, don't remind me that this is the last season.
4. In college, I was an Art Major before I was an Education Major.
5. If I could go back to school, I'd study Photography.
6. I HATE exercising. But, I do it (occasionally) because I am not getting any younger, and I dream of being skinny again one day.
7. I have lived in South Carolina, Alabama, California, and North Carolina.
8. I have driven across the USA twice. And, I do not recommend it. It ain't fun.
9. I go nuts after riding in the car more than a few hours. (See #8)
10. I really didn't PLAN on having just one kid... it just worked out that way for us.
11. Adoption is a frequent topic of conversation for our family.
12. I am CONSTANTLY amazed at how God is evident in everything that happens. Everything!
13. I am learning to accept that life is full of the unknown. I HATE the unknown.
14. I want to be a "Turtle Lady" when I am old. Well, oldER. (They live on the beach and help rescue and protect the sea turtles.)
15. I like anything with polka dots.
16. I think that being a chaplain's wife is easier than being a preacher's wife. They are very similar, but one is easier than the other.
17. Army deployments are not as horrible as I thought they would be. Hard, but not impossible... thanks to Jesus!
18. Science and medicine fascinate me.
19. I have a tattoo. (Shocked?)
20. I want another one. (I'm shocked. I SWORE that one would be enough once I felt that pain.)
21. I am a HUGE "Harry Potter" fan. I've read all the books, and now I'm re-reading them with my son. I read the last one in less than a day. (I'm a VERY fast reader.)
22. We (me and Dan) have had the same best friends (the Wrenns) for almost 15 years. We still talk to them and see them whenever we can... which is never enough.
23. I wanted to be a vet or a marine biologist when I was little... never a teacher. Go figure.
24. I could eat Mexican food 7 days a week.
25. I love, love, love, love the ocean.
Happy Wednesday.
You have to come up with a list of 25 "random" things about yourself and then "tag" more friends to do the same.
I thought (silly me) that it would be easy. "Random" is my middle name. But, the list was more challenging than it seemed at first. I wanted to give people "new" things, or things they may not have known about moi.
It took me so long that I couldn't let all that hard work go to waste.
Well, I really thought, "Hey! Free blog post idea!" But, I think a few of my friends actually already did that. Darn. Oh well.
Please don't let the following information scare any of you away. I'm also sorry if it's dull and boring and a "repeat" of knowledge you may already have. I try.
25 Random Things About Me:
1. I am deathly afraid of snakes. Can't even look at them in books or on TV. Frogs and lizards are ok... as long as they're small.
2. I am addicted to "American Idol."
3. In my mind, County General Hospital (ER... Thursday nights at 10:00 on NBC) is a real place. Don't tell me it's not. And, don't remind me that this is the last season.
4. In college, I was an Art Major before I was an Education Major.
5. If I could go back to school, I'd study Photography.
6. I HATE exercising. But, I do it (occasionally) because I am not getting any younger, and I dream of being skinny again one day.
7. I have lived in South Carolina, Alabama, California, and North Carolina.
8. I have driven across the USA twice. And, I do not recommend it. It ain't fun.
9. I go nuts after riding in the car more than a few hours. (See #8)
10. I really didn't PLAN on having just one kid... it just worked out that way for us.
11. Adoption is a frequent topic of conversation for our family.
12. I am CONSTANTLY amazed at how God is evident in everything that happens. Everything!
13. I am learning to accept that life is full of the unknown. I HATE the unknown.
14. I want to be a "Turtle Lady" when I am old. Well, oldER. (They live on the beach and help rescue and protect the sea turtles.)
15. I like anything with polka dots.
16. I think that being a chaplain's wife is easier than being a preacher's wife. They are very similar, but one is easier than the other.
17. Army deployments are not as horrible as I thought they would be. Hard, but not impossible... thanks to Jesus!
18. Science and medicine fascinate me.
19. I have a tattoo. (Shocked?)
20. I want another one. (I'm shocked. I SWORE that one would be enough once I felt that pain.)
21. I am a HUGE "Harry Potter" fan. I've read all the books, and now I'm re-reading them with my son. I read the last one in less than a day. (I'm a VERY fast reader.)
22. We (me and Dan) have had the same best friends (the Wrenns) for almost 15 years. We still talk to them and see them whenever we can... which is never enough.
23. I wanted to be a vet or a marine biologist when I was little... never a teacher. Go figure.
24. I could eat Mexican food 7 days a week.
25. I love, love, love, love the ocean.
Happy Wednesday.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Anniversaries and Tags
Well... This speaks VOLUMES about me.
I missed something. I forgot something. I let something slide by without even a thought.
I just had an anniversary. No, not the wedding kind. The blogging kind.
One year of blogging has come and gone.
I was hoping to make it to 100 posts in one year, but that was just a bit too ambitious for me.
So I ask myself, "Self, what has one year of blogging has taught you."
* Blogging is addictive.
* If you blog, you will become a stalker of other blogs.
* Stalking other blogs is a great way to find really funny and nice people.
* Blogging makes you put off things like showering and getting dressed and returning phone calls and doing housework and I could go on and on and on.
* Blogging gives you one more excuse to NOT catch up on your scrapbooking. Kinda feels redundant.
* Blogging is cathartic. Big word! I like "getting things off my chest" without actually having to bother a real human being.
Oh yeah... the overdue tag....
My friend Jill "tagged" me in her blog. About a year ago. Well, not that long ago. But, I have been sooo busy chatting with her on Facebook...
that's a whole 'nother problem, people...
that I haven't read her blog in a while. Her little girl has been sick, and she's been keeping me up to date on that.
Anywho, she did tag me, and here it goes.
You apparently take the 4th picture from your 4th album on your computer, post it, and explain it to the bloggy world.
OK, Jill. Well. It's kinda weird.
Told ya it was weird. It's a little monkey. At the Atlanta Zoo. From 2006.
We were in Atlanta visiting my brother and April, and we all went to the zoo. Dan was home from Iraq on his two week R&R.
This cute little guy -from what I can remember- was just hanging out by the glass watching us. He let us take lots of pictures, and he was so playful.
I love monkeys. Always have. Strange, I know. I even envy the researchers who get to go out into their natural habitats and study them. What a cool job. That is, until one of those giant snakes that live there crawled by me. Or, until one of those precious monkeys decided to hurl some poopie at me. I hear they do that. Research time over.
I suppose I'll just stick to the zoo.
I missed something. I forgot something. I let something slide by without even a thought.
I just had an anniversary. No, not the wedding kind. The blogging kind.
One year of blogging has come and gone.
I was hoping to make it to 100 posts in one year, but that was just a bit too ambitious for me.
So I ask myself, "Self, what has one year of blogging has taught you."
* Blogging is addictive.
* If you blog, you will become a stalker of other blogs.
* Stalking other blogs is a great way to find really funny and nice people.
* Blogging makes you put off things like showering and getting dressed and returning phone calls and doing housework and I could go on and on and on.
* Blogging gives you one more excuse to NOT catch up on your scrapbooking. Kinda feels redundant.
* Blogging is cathartic. Big word! I like "getting things off my chest" without actually having to bother a real human being.
Oh yeah... the overdue tag....
My friend Jill "tagged" me in her blog. About a year ago. Well, not that long ago. But, I have been sooo busy chatting with her on Facebook...
that's a whole 'nother problem, people...
that I haven't read her blog in a while. Her little girl has been sick, and she's been keeping me up to date on that.
Anywho, she did tag me, and here it goes.
You apparently take the 4th picture from your 4th album on your computer, post it, and explain it to the bloggy world.
OK, Jill. Well. It's kinda weird.
Told ya it was weird. It's a little monkey. At the Atlanta Zoo. From 2006.
We were in Atlanta visiting my brother and April, and we all went to the zoo. Dan was home from Iraq on his two week R&R.
This cute little guy -from what I can remember- was just hanging out by the glass watching us. He let us take lots of pictures, and he was so playful.
I love monkeys. Always have. Strange, I know. I even envy the researchers who get to go out into their natural habitats and study them. What a cool job. That is, until one of those giant snakes that live there crawled by me. Or, until one of those precious monkeys decided to hurl some poopie at me. I hear they do that. Research time over.
I suppose I'll just stick to the zoo.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Once Upon a Snow Day
7:15 am.
FREEZING cold.
Still pretty dark outside.
I was snuggly and warm in my bed.
"WAS" being the key word here.
A scream broke the morning silence.
"IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED!! IT SNOWED!!"
Of course, being the "12 year-old child trapped in a 30 something (?) year-old body" that I am... I got up.
And snow it did!
It actually snowed until about 3:00 that afternoon. Nice.
We played like crazy snow-deprived people. (Is this what living in the Mojave Desert does to you?)
Another day off from school, another day of PJ's, piles of wet clothes, puddles in the kitchen floor, stacks of board games, enough hot chocolate to kill a normal person, AND...
My power stayed on!!
Thank you Lord for snow days.
The intersection where we live... where- all day- we watched cars slip and slide...
We only had one "problem" with the snow... It would not "pack" into a snowball OR a snowman. It was too "powdery" for building. Therefore, I give you...
"Cyclops... The Tiny Snowman"
Even his little Sweet Gum Tree thingy eyes wouldn't stay on... Hence his name...
Monday, January 19, 2009
Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
We have had a bit of chilly weather here this past week. COLD, people. COLD.
I think the wind chill one morning was a toasty 8 degrees.
You won't hear this Southern girl complaining, though. I love me some chilly weather. Now before you tell me to pack it up and move to North Dakota, and that I am not really "Southern" because I like cold weather...
Let me explain. It is January. That- in my tiny mind- translates to "cold." I like to enjoy each Season as the good Lord intended. Warm in the Spring, cool in the Fall, hot in the Summer, and cold in the Winter. Nothing irritates me more than for it to be cold on Easter. Or blazing hot on Thanksgiving Day. Irritating.
And, in my defense, I am a flip-flop lover. (See. I like Summer. IN Summer.)
How cold has it been here?
Just let my two cats explain it for you in their own way.
These cats barely tolerate each other. In truth, the fat one HATES the skinny one.
Hmmm...
Anyway, this is Shelby (a.k.a. "Biggie") trying to cuddle up on the couch with what she assumes is a pillow?
Trust me, this cat cannot STAND her adopted "sister." She growls and hisses when Subway walks past. It doesn't help that Subway takes random smacks at her at EVERY opportunity.
Does she really think it is a pillow? Maybe with her old age and half blind self she thinks it's me or the boy?
Or maybe when it's 8 degrees outside... enemies can become friends... if they're warm.
I think the wind chill one morning was a toasty 8 degrees.
You won't hear this Southern girl complaining, though. I love me some chilly weather. Now before you tell me to pack it up and move to North Dakota, and that I am not really "Southern" because I like cold weather...
Let me explain. It is January. That- in my tiny mind- translates to "cold." I like to enjoy each Season as the good Lord intended. Warm in the Spring, cool in the Fall, hot in the Summer, and cold in the Winter. Nothing irritates me more than for it to be cold on Easter. Or blazing hot on Thanksgiving Day. Irritating.
And, in my defense, I am a flip-flop lover. (See. I like Summer. IN Summer.)
How cold has it been here?
Just let my two cats explain it for you in their own way.
These cats barely tolerate each other. In truth, the fat one HATES the skinny one.
Hmmm...
Anyway, this is Shelby (a.k.a. "Biggie") trying to cuddle up on the couch with what she assumes is a pillow?
Trust me, this cat cannot STAND her adopted "sister." She growls and hisses when Subway walks past. It doesn't help that Subway takes random smacks at her at EVERY opportunity.
Does she really think it is a pillow? Maybe with her old age and half blind self she thinks it's me or the boy?
Or maybe when it's 8 degrees outside... enemies can become friends... if they're warm.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A Little Bit of Idol
I feel, somehow, a little happier today.
Did I get good news from a family member?
Did I catch up on all my scrapbooking?
Did someone offer to do all my laundry for the next 10 years?
Did I win the lottery?
Nope. None of the above.
Just got to watch a little American Idol last night.
Ahh.
I knew something had been missing from my scattered little life.
It was condescending judges and bad singing. Why is that entertainment to me?
Did I get good news from a family member?
Did I catch up on all my scrapbooking?
Did someone offer to do all my laundry for the next 10 years?
Did I win the lottery?
Nope. None of the above.
Just got to watch a little American Idol last night.
Ahh.
I knew something had been missing from my scattered little life.
It was condescending judges and bad singing. Why is that entertainment to me?
Monday, January 12, 2009
The "WHYs" of Christmas... the Final Chapter
As much as I HATE riding in the car and as much as I love being at my house for the holidays, Christmas would not be the same without a trip to good old "home." That's my childhood "home"... you know... where my parents live.
So, the day after Christmas, we loaded up the car once again and headed to SC. We opened gifts with my family and ate like pigs. Again. And again. We even got to see some relatives we haven't seen in a while.
Why, even as a "grown-up," does this make me giddy?
Why is this so crazy adorable? Spit and all!
And why... when I look at this picture do I hear the song from "Cops"... "Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"
We decided after church to take some "family" photos.
Let me now state the truth.
I decided, during church, that since we were all clean and purty... we should take family pictures. I then passed a note to my brother (in church) to tell him of my plan. He frowned and scowled at me (in church). My husband, reading the note over my shoulder, whispered (in church), "YOU are gonna be the one to tell your son."
You would have thought I was asking them to remove their own toenails with a fork. Goodness, people! They are only pictures.
If you were to ask my son, he'd probably tell you that bad people go to Hell and all they do there is get dressed up and pose for pictures.
So, without further ado... the photo shoot...
Why did we take 47,583 pictures and only get ONE where we all had our eyes open?
We were able to have lunch at our Mamaw's house that weekend. Wow. My booty is what it is today thanks, in part, to that lady's cooking.
True to our family's nature, there was a weapon involved in the festivities. (See the Thanksgiving post.)
Only this time, it was a Nerf gun. Yet, somehow my husband and brother and son managed to find a way to use it inappropriately.
Why is my husband having such a good time with a toy gun?
The answer?
Why is my brother catching Nerf bullets in his mouth and why is my son cheering?
And why... am I a tiny bit proud that he can do it too?
Please, for the last time, do not call Child Protective Services. We are good parents, I promise. Just bad examples!
So, the day after Christmas, we loaded up the car once again and headed to SC. We opened gifts with my family and ate like pigs. Again. And again. We even got to see some relatives we haven't seen in a while.
Why, even as a "grown-up," does this make me giddy?
Why is this so crazy adorable? Spit and all!
And why... when I look at this picture do I hear the song from "Cops"... "Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"
We decided after church to take some "family" photos.
Let me now state the truth.
I decided, during church, that since we were all clean and purty... we should take family pictures. I then passed a note to my brother (in church) to tell him of my plan. He frowned and scowled at me (in church). My husband, reading the note over my shoulder, whispered (in church), "YOU are gonna be the one to tell your son."
You would have thought I was asking them to remove their own toenails with a fork. Goodness, people! They are only pictures.
If you were to ask my son, he'd probably tell you that bad people go to Hell and all they do there is get dressed up and pose for pictures.
So, without further ado... the photo shoot...
Why did we take 47,583 pictures and only get ONE where we all had our eyes open?
We were able to have lunch at our Mamaw's house that weekend. Wow. My booty is what it is today thanks, in part, to that lady's cooking.
True to our family's nature, there was a weapon involved in the festivities. (See the Thanksgiving post.)
Only this time, it was a Nerf gun. Yet, somehow my husband and brother and son managed to find a way to use it inappropriately.
Why is my husband having such a good time with a toy gun?
The answer?
Why is my brother catching Nerf bullets in his mouth and why is my son cheering?
And why... am I a tiny bit proud that he can do it too?
Please, for the last time, do not call Child Protective Services. We are good parents, I promise. Just bad examples!
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