Run And Fight? Or Eat Cheese?

You may have heard the news by now.  We are on the verge of a Velveeta shortage.  There was some sort of "issue" in the moving of production from one plant to anther combined with the holiday demand and boom... less Velveeta.  Did someone tell the Velveeta boss we are only a few weeks away from the Super Bowl?  Could there be a worse time for a melty cheese(?) crisis?

Sadly, in our house, there is usually a small stockpile.  This week, however, there was none!  When I was at the store yesterday, I grabbed these babies before the stampede started.  Well... There was no stampede, and there was a good bit of Velveeta on the shelf.  Thankfully, there is now Velveeta in my pantry.

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to get fit enough to outrun and/or kill zombies in case of a zombie apocalypse.  Do you like my motivation?  Not to "look good," not for "good health"... But just to be able to fight or run from a zombie. 

I have a feeling that this whole Velveeta thing is going to undermine that resolution.  Who am I kidding?  The candy in the jar behind the cheese(?) was going to do that.  Thanks, Santa.

Maybe the zombies will wait until the cheese(?) crisis has passed.

7 Days In

Welcome to 2014.  I have to keep saying "2014" out loud to remind myself.  I've also written "2013" on several things.  I like to keep people guessing.

We're only one week into a new year, and so much has happened.  I may not be able to remember most of it due to frozen brain cells.  The "Polar Vortex" descended upon us, and it is too cold to think.  I love that name... "Polar Vortex."  How cold did it get at your house?  Our lowest low was 1 degree.  Mercy.
The news stations told us how to prepare for the extreme cold.  Drip the faucets, wrap the pipes, bring in the pets, and crank the cars.  No one told me to prepare for smoke detector Armageddon. 
Apparently, extreme cold can cause smoke detectors to malfunction.  It's true.
I spent half an afternoon trying to find a chirping smoke alarm in my house.  When I finally figured out which one needed a new battery, I discovered we had no 9-volt batteries.  I had to let it chirp until I could run out to the store and buy new ones, because smoke detectors which are hard-wired into the home security system will CONTINUE to chirp and/or SCREAM even without a battery.  It's like they're possessed.  There's nothing like standing on a ladder in your 12 degree garage while the smoke detector above you blares a high-pitched tune.  Because my hands were so cold, I dropped the battery and had to climb down, pick it up, and climb back up again.  Twice.
Today, another one started beeping. 
Then, when I went outside to warm up the car, I heard an unmistakable sound coming from the vacant house across the street.  Every smoke detector in the empty house was beeping.  It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from.  I can even hear the neighbor's alarms from our house.  Because my own weren't enough.  I may have to move. 

The "Polar Vortex" has also kept school from starting back on time.  It's been too cold for buses to crank and too cold for kids to be out.  Now, we have another day of vacation due to broken pipes and heating systems in the schools.

All this extra time at home is making the boy love me more.  I made him clean out his closet yesterday.  The start of a new year always makes me feel the need to purge our house of unnecessary stuff.  It's funny how 14 year-olds don't share that vision.

In honor of all the cleaning and purging, I turned over a bottle of soy sauce on the top shelf of the refrigerator today.  Soy sauce went everywhere.  I had to take everything out of the fridge - including all the shelves - wash it all off, and put it all back again.

If some soy sauce would spill on my front porch, maybe I would have an excuse to get the last of those Christmas lights and garland put away.

Hopefully, life will be back to normal in a few days.  We may see temperatures in the mid-fifties by the weekend, and it's safe to say I will see someone in shorts and a tank top.  I have mentioned this before, but folks dressing "out of season" is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I want to go up to them and ask, "What do you wear when it is 105?"
Then they can say to me, "Why do you still have Christmas decorations on your house?"

Happy New Year, friends!

A Tale Of Two Cities

Well.  We have hauled out the holly yet again.  Didn't we just have Christmas?  Is it really only 2 days away?
Every year I go through at least 28 decorating dilemmas.  Should I use the same old lights?  Do I put out the Santas in the same place?  Is the wreath too worn out to hang up?  Should I pack up and protect the handmade ornaments?  Or hang them? 

How do we ever survive the holidays?  I have a knack for turning the smallest decision into a huge headache. 
The traveling, the gift buying, the decorating, the entertaining... I can make it all much more stressful than it has to be.
A few years ago, I received a beautiful new nativity set.

I love it, but now I have two.  Actually, I have 4 or 5... most of which are safely stored away in layers of paper.  I still display the one we bought the first year we were married.  This set is old, and the folks are a bit worn out... kind of like us.

 

 

So instead of packing up the old sentimental set, or not using the new fancy set, I put them both out.  Two Marys, two Josephs, two babies, six wise men, two donkeys, two shepherds, two sheep, and one cow.  I told you I like to complicate things. 

The more I look at them, the more I like having two.  I suppose the scene in Bethlehem is one thing we can never have enough of.

If I Run Away

For the boy's Fall Break, we went to The Happiest Place on Earth.  Again.

 

 

 

If it were up to me, I would go to Disney every year.  Maybe twice.  Three times a year isn't inconceivable.  But I'm not independently wealthy, and Dan/Daddy says we need to go on other trips and see other places.  Blah, blah, blah.  Tell that to these faces...

 

 

 

 It was a fantastic vacation, and there was only one sad moment... The day we had to leave.

 

 

 

If I ever go missing or run away from home, you will know where to find me.



Tweezers, Eyebrows, And I'm Back

I have developed a bad habit of not keeping up with blogging.  Maybe it's the busy pace of life.  Maybe I've been out saving the world.  Maybe I should stop lying.

To the 3 of you who read my random stories, please accept my lame apologies.
Now here's a tale I promise I didn't make up.

A few months ago,  I had my eyebrows threaded for the first time. Have you heard of threading?  The practice of threading apparently started thousands of years ago.  A piece of thin thread is used (by a person who knows what they're doing) to pluck your eyebrow hairs.  It's supposed to be less painful than waxing.
When left alone, my eyebrows look like 2 woolly caterpillars.  I've used tweezers on them for years, and I've had them waxed from time to time. 
I had heard of threading, and when a friend told me she did it, I thought I would give it a try.

The young girl who led me to a chair looked at my face and said,
"Do you know your eyebrows are two totally different shapes?"
Well. 
How have I been walking around?
My verdict on threading?  It hurt.  A lot.  My eyebrows looked good, but it took about 18 hours for the redness to calm down.  On my second visit, the technician took off so many hairs, I looked like a plucked chicken.
That afternoon, I asked the boy if my eyebrows looked bad.  He said,
"How fast do eyebrows grow?"
I was done with threading, and I decided to grow my eyebrows back out.  Well, first I had to actually grow them back.

Not long after the plucked chicken incident, I lost my favorite pair of tweezers.  No big deal, you say.  Buy new tweezers, you say. 
I did.  I bought about 5 sets of tweezers.  I tried and tried to find a pair like the ones I'd lost, but none of them were the same.
Then one day, while vacuuming out my car, I found my old tweezers.  Under the seat.
I have no idea how they got there.
Maybe they were trying to run away from home... Dying of embarrassment from my plucked chicken eyebrows.

I've always had a chap stick/lip gloss hoarding problem.  Now I have tweezers to go with them.

Happy Soggy Halloween

The last few weeks (months?) have come and gone and we may never recover.  The blur of activities is winding down a tiny bit, so I decided to decorate for Halloween.

That is the sad state of my back porch, friends.  I threw away some lifeless brown plants and then regretted not moving them to the front porch for added spookiness.
Our weather forecast for the day is dreadful... pouring rain, wind, and a chance of tornadoes.  Sounds lovely for trick-or-treating, doesn't it?

Stay safe today, eat lots of candy, and leave the spider webs until tomorrow!

Smarty-Pants-ivity

School started 28 days ago, and I am 28 days behind on my sleep. I'm not even sure I could catch you up on what we did with the end of our summer... I'm too tired to remember.

This is the boy's last year of Middle School, so I may have had a "moment" after dropping him off that first day.  He is changing and growing so fast it makes my head spin.  I know all moms say that about all kids in every stage, but these time are mind-numbing for me.
Gone are the chubby cheeks and the crayons.  Now his voice is deeper than his dad's, and I don't even know how to turn his math calculator on.

There is, however, one thing I can count on no matter how big he gets. 
Make that 2 things.
His creativity and his sarcasm.  One is a gift, and the other is spoken like a second language in this house.

We were discussing an English test the boy took recently, and he explained to us he "disagreed" with the teacher about his answer.

The test question asked, "How can a letter be delivered majestically?"

The boy's answer?

"By a king or strapped to a unicorn."

I laughed for at least 30 minutes.  He is right... kings and unicorns are majestic.

We came to the conclusion the teacher was looking for a description or a definition of the word "majestically."

He does "think outside the box," and he is sarcastic.  So we talked about how his answer could have been perceived as both.  The "X" mark on the question will hopefully cause him to think before answering so quickly next time. 

I am still chuckling to myself about a unicorn delivering a letter.  I'm also praying a little harder for his teachers.