Chalkboard Confessions III

7 days later, I finally got a reply.

I'm not sure who "Me" is, but I have my suspicions. I don't watch all that crime TV for nothing.

Hey there mysterious "Me" person...
You sure are cute with your skinny purple self and your spiked up hair.
I love you, too.

Down On The Farm

Dan/Daddy's parents were here a few weekends ago, and we had a grand ol' time showing them around town. They were able to watch the boy play football on Saturday, and on Sunday we hauled them off to the Pumpkin Patch.



This place had tons of stuff to do. And they had snacks. My people were quick to vote this farm as "the best pumpkin patch we've ever been to!" It is all about the funnel cake.

We picked some punkins...


We took some funny pictures...
Well hello Farmer Dan!


Is your mama a llama?


Nope. My son is.
(This picture cracks me up.)


Guess what the farmer enticed the pigs with to get them to race? Oreos. Yep. I will run for an Oreo, too.


I am proud to report that our group completed the corn maze in record time. (It was all about the lure of funnel cake.)


Here's me. Doing my best "I am lost in the corn maze!" face.
Or maybe I just heard that the concession barn was all out of funnel cake.
Move over pigs, and pass me some of those Oreos.

Chalkboard Confessions II

Remember my chalkboard confession from a few weeks ago?
Something about a house on the beach and a raise?
I'm still waiting.

But it seems as if I've inspired someone.



"1 hundred dollars" is a lot to a 12 year-old. Well, "1 hundred dollars" is a lot to me, too.

Now that I know someone is actually paying attention in my house, I put this up...


It's been on there for 5 days already.
Stay tuned.

Black Cats, Doctor's Orders, Blood, and Costumes

In case you're wondering, I still haven't "re-done" the front porch, and the uncooperative pumpkin blew over in yesterday's wind.

So here's the latest information in our world:

1. Baby Kitty has a new home. Hallelujah. My sis-in-law's cousin (and her daughter) took her. We had formed quite the bond with her cute little self, so it was hard to see her go. And her name is officially "Foxy" now. How cute is that?

2. Dan/Daddy had a follow-up with the spine doc. Spine Doc is slowly allowing more and more activity, but he gave Dan/Daddy instructions yesterday that I am not too sure about. The doc said that one of the worst things Dan/Daddy can do at this point in his recovery is load or unload the dishwasher.
Really? Really? (I think I smell an over-paid rat here.)
Unloading the dishwasher, dear readers, is one of my least favorite things to do. It's also one of the (few) things Dan/Daddy does. (Go ahead and judge... the housework in this house is NOT equally divided. Now it will be even less so.)
I think there's some kind of "man conspiracy" going on.

3. When I am sitting in the car waiting to pick up the boy from school, I can hear the afternoon announcements on the intercom. Yesterday, this is what I heard:
"Could a custodian please come to the hall by the Music Room? We have a blood spill."
Mercy.
Middle School is a rough place. I know it could have been a nosebleed or a cut hand or any number of non-violent injuries. But, I am the mom of a 12 year-old boy... My mind just goes there.
What's High School gonna be like? Severed limbs?

4. I took the boy to look at Halloween costumes yesterday. For the first time in 10 years, he has no clue what he wants to be on October 31st. We thought walking around in the Halloween store would give him some ideas. Well. Let me just tell you. If you haven't been to a costume store in a while, get ready. It gave him more than ideas... it gave him an adult education. It gave me a headache.
When did Halloween turn into a Playboy Bunny fashion show?
It was one of those moments I pray and thank God for giving me a boy.
I will take fake teeth and scary masks any day over "Sexy Cinderella" and "Show Your Hiney Alice In Wonderland."

Can't we all just get back to the true meaning of the holiday?

Halloween Fail

I could be more positive and call this post:
"My First Attempt At Decorating For Fall"

But it was a failure in the worst possible sense.

Last week, I decided it was time to deck the halls for Halloween. Yes, I love Halloween. (And Jesus. Just in case you were wondering.)

I love love love decorating this time of year. I never felt my Fall decor was inferior before. Before the internet.
Thanks, Pinterest.
Have you seen them?
The handmade banners? The monogrammed pumpkins? The costumed kids sipping homemade cider? The lighted leaf garlands? The twinkling sparkly orange explosion of all things Halloweeny and Fall?
If Martha Stewart ever made you feel inadequate, then Pinterst will make you jump off your roof.

I should have just stopped looking, because when I pulled out my plastic plug-in pumpkins, the scarecrow with one leg, and raggedy dollar store garland... it got ugly.
I don't mean "ugly" in the sense of looking bad. I mean "ugly" like "I am throwing a grown-up temper tantrum on my front porch" ugly.

The boy was in charge of the lights in the bushes, and every time he got the cords just so, the neighborhood cat menagerie would tear through and pull it down. He was barefoot, and a swarm of mosquitoes decided to eat his feet.
While he was jumping up and down cursing at the bugs, the light cord and the cats, I was hanging decor on the front door. (I don't really think he said actual bad words. He probably just thought them. Like his momma.)

I was unwinding my twinkly orange lights and lush leaf foliage and trying to staple them up over the door. Every time I stapled, the force of the staple CUT the leaf garland. All I was doing was chopping up leaf garland into segments.
When I tried to attach the lights with the stapler, it started chopping up my light strand, too.
(Those light strands may work if one bulb is out, but they do not work in pieces.)
So I climbed down and found some tiny hooks to hold the lights. After what felt like HOURS of twisting and hanging, I managed to get the lights up and stepped back to admire my work.
The home we are renting has a beautiful glass door. It weighs 3 tons and slams with the force of a meteor hitting Earth. Not exaggerating.
Like a scene out of a horror movie, the door (which had been propped open) decided to close and take the corner of the light strand with it.
The 3 ton door shut hard, shattering 78 tiny bulbs at once, and a hail shower of orange glass rained down upon me.

I calmly walked into the garage, put on my shoes (because all great decorators do their work barefoot) and grabbed a giant black trash bag. I ripped down all the lights and picked up all the leaf garland segments and threw them in the bag.
I cleaned up the glass, cut my thumb on a shard, and vowed to never decorate for Halloween again.
My mosquito-bitten assistant had abandoned me at this point.
In a rage, I grabbed a plastic pumpkin and plugged it in. I was determined... We were AT LEAST gonna have one decoration.
Well, no.
We weren't.
The bulb in Mr. Plastic Pumpkin was burned out.

It took every bit of self-control I possess to NOT drop-kick that pumpkin and his grinning un-lit self across the street.

I just left him there on the porch.
I went inside, and I think I may have declared that God doesn't want us to decorate for Halloween.

I may try again, so stay tuned.
Or I may wait until Christmas, pull out my staple gun, and chop up some evergreen garland.

Even If It Was A Spider

My not-so-little boy was mowing the grass in the backyard this week when he walked under the clothes line and walked through a spiderweb.

Yes... I said "clothes line." The house where we live is a rental, and there is a line in the back yard for hanging clothes. I suppose the homeowners liked to line dry their clothes. When I was little, my momma used the one in our back yard.
Let me make a clear distinction at this point.
It's all I can do to get the clothes from the pile in the floor to the laundry room, washed, dried, folded, and put back up again.
If I had to use a clothes line, the first thing I'd hang would be myself.

Anyway, while cutting the grass, the boy tore right through a spider web. I didn't see him do it, but I'm sure it was a spectacle. He hates spiders. I also don't know too many people who enjoy waltzing through one of their webs. Ghiiisssh. It gives me the heebie jeebies.

When the boy called me over to show me the spider, it wasn't because he'd crashed her web or because she was unnaturally big or icky.
It was because she was already building it back.
Very cool.
We stood in the yard and watched her for a minute or two, and let me tell you... she was busy.
It was one of those times I don't ever want to blow right past.
For just a few minutes, my not-so-little boy was content to watch a spider. (Pardon me while I cry and flashback to when he was 4.)
We talked about how funny it is when people walk through spider webs.
We talked about how God designs the spider to just KNOW what to do. No one teaches her how to spin that web, and no one was there telling her to get up and spin it again because some gangly preteen ripped it up.
We talked about the gnats she was already wrapping up for dinner.
We talked about the giant fake spider we hang on our door every Halloween.

And then it was all over in a blink. I was back to watering the plants, and he was cranking up the mower again.

So when you come visit us, you won't find clothes hanging from our clothes line.
(You may find me.)
All we have hanging out there is one determined spider.
And I owe a tiny thanks to her for slowing down time for me and my not-so-little boy.

Updates, Updates, and Sports

I feel like a TV News Anchor. But I have less hair and not-as-white teeth.

Here's what you need to know:

1. Baby Kitty has a home! Well, she's still living with us, but she will soon be headed to her new and permanent home. My sis-in-law's cousin is taking her. She has a teenage daughter, so Baby Kitty will have 2 sweet mommas.
By the way, we haven't named her, which I suppose is good... her new mommas can do that. But we call her Baby, Boo Boo, BB, and Tank. (That last one is a hoot - it was my nephew's suggestion.)

2. Dan/Daddy is recovering well from his back surgery. I haven't gone into the gory details of how and why he came to need his spine operated on. He and the docs are not 100% certain what "event" caused the damage. It could even be an old gym injury. Let's just say he doesn't always make the wisest decisions when lifting things. Things like washing machines.

3. As for me and my foot... it has been determined that the "Great Sewing Machine Drop of 2008" is the culprit in the foot pain. So I let the podiatrist inject my foot with a veeeeery long needle. Which only made it swell and hurt worse for 2 days. Then the regular old pain came back. There's a follow-up appointment this week, so I may require another injection. Good times.

We interrupt this update to apologize for the geriatric turn our news stories seem to be taking. Granny and Pepaw are apparently one injury away from the AARP. Sorry.

4. The boy is full swing into football, and I have refrained from wrapping him in bubble wrap. So far.
I told him and Dan/Daddy there was nothing safe about a sport that required THAT MUCH padding, protection, and gear.
So far, he's proven to be a little Heisman contender... interceptions, touchdowns, great yardage.
Here he is (#55) on the sidelines sporting his pick socks. The team and coaches are all wearing pink for Breast Cancer Awareness this month. How dang cute are those socks?



I still wish he was playing soccer. Or the guitar.

And that's your recap for the last week or so.
I would make a terrible News Anchor.
Now, Weather Person? That's another story.