A Tale of Two Deer

It all started innocently enough. It always does.

The boy wanted more Christmas lights in the yard. "More" meaning brighter and tackier and flashier.

It doesn't help that we live in a neighborhood that would make Clark Griswold tear up and cry with jealousy. These people have some serious holiday lighting going on.
I don't know how they pay their power bills.

It makes our tasteful garland and tiny trees look just, well... downright scrooge-ish.

So in hopes of not disappointing the boy whose dad is 9000 miles away at the holidays and who deserves the bestest Christmas ever... (Can you tell I replay that over and over and over in my mind 85 times a day?)

We needed to buy more lights.

And reindeer.

You see... our good friends have an adorable little reindeer. He lights up and looks so sweet in the front yard. I start thinking,
"I can have a sweet little reindeer on my front lawn too!"

So I loaded up my single-mommy guilt and the boy and we headed out to tackify the yard.

First stop was the K. Where my friend purchased her reindeer. Where I promptly returned almost everything we picked out. Did you know that the "K" is much more expensive than the "W"? I had heard the rumors, but I rarely shop there. So... into the return line went our overpriced holiday decor.

(I will not even begin to discuss the "T" store. It is in a league all its own.)

And on to the big "W" I went. They had (almost) the exact same reindeer for $10 less.

So we bought two.

A boy and a girl. Or, a buck and a doe.

When we got home and unloaded our loot, we immediately sat down in the floor to put our little LED friends together.

I give you... the girl deer...



After putting her together, we made an unfortunate discovery.

Our little buck had no head.

He had a body, he had glittery antlers, he had a cute little tail.

He even lit up.

With no head.

It was just wrong.
So... Back into the box we crammed him. Back to the "W" he went.

The day I returned/exchanged him also happened to be my birthday. While others lounge at the spa or jet off to Paris for their birthday, I stand in line at the Mart and return a headless deer. Speaks volumes, don't ya think?

My deer-owning friend called me to wish me a happy birthday, and I told her what I was doing. She told me that HER deer was also experiencing technical difficulties. It's head wasn't lighting up anymore. Goodness. It's not a good year to be a plastic light-up Christmas deer.

So I suggested our deer get should get together, and that sparked another not-entirely appropriate conversation about Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga.

So now we have a new buck. He will be joining his doe as soon as we can get him put together.



And don't feel too sad for me... I had a GREAT birthday. There were phone calls and gifts and 2 meals out and cake... and more of that later. Everone should go to the Mart on their birthday. It'll keep you humble.

And I will post pictures of our holiday grandeur very soon.

As for the deer? The boy wants to name them Twinkles and Sparkles. I'm thinking Adam and Gaga.

Starting the Holiday Season... Take 2

If you are a friend of mine, or if you are a faithful blog reader, you know I didn't have the best "kick off" to "HOLIDAYS 2009." It all started with a cel phone in the washing machine and a 3 hour mini-vacation/come-to-Jesus meeting/why in the hoo-nanny do they do all this construction?/dead stop on I-85. NOT good times.

I am happy to report that (once we got there), things improved.

We had a nice Thanksgiving Day...



Turkey was consumed.



Football was played.



Cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents were visited.









Everyone (and I mean everyone!) got to chat with their favorite soldier... who called right before lunch. We passed the phone around, said the blessing, and then ate like piggies. After lunch, Uncle Tom tortured (drove) the boy and his cousin, Jacob. He took them over to see the stadium where the game was gonna be played the next day. Uncle Tom is an Auburn fan, and the two boys are Alabama fans, and they all had a great time harassing each other.

Then, it was time to hit the road (Lord save me) again.

On to South Carolina to celebrate with my family...

It is a much smaller crowd, but no less chaotic.


There was wild wrestling and running around.









There was also lots of eating... just not turkey. We all went to one of our favorite Italian restaurants... and ate like piggies.









The boy was able to tromp around the farm, do a little hunting, watch Alabama BARELY win the Iron Bowl, spend time with his grandparents, and run around the house with his cousin, Noah, like a wild banshee. (What is that, anyway?)

I hit the Black Friday sales with my sis-in-law and brother. The only grumpy/pushy person we encountered all day was my own brother. He actually didn't get that way until Hobby Lobby. He said we were "taking too long" and that he wouldn't have felt that way if it weren't the "THIRD CRAFT STORE OF THE DAY." (Emphasis his.)

There is no such thing as too many craft stores in one day. Especially not when ribbon is 70% off. What does he know?

Now we are home and deep in the trenches of hauling out the holly. The Christmas craziness has begun. I think there are about 43 different events this weekend alone.

But I have enough ribbon.

How NOT to Start Your Holiday Season

Washing machine...



+
Laundry detergent...



+

1 Cel Phone... tucked away in the pocket of the jeans you want to go on your trip...




=
A trip to this place... Just hours before you should be leaving for the Thanksgiving holiday...




In case you were wondering:

1. Cel phones are not washable.

2. No. It wasn't time for the upgrade.

3. Yes. I did have the insurance. (Please, this is ME we're talking about here.)

4. I realized it when I opened the lid to take the clothes and toss them in the dryer.

5. No, I didn't put it in the dryer.

6. I am beginning to laugh about it now. 6 days later. Beginning.

Merry Thanks-Scarecrow-Turkey-Mas

I totally made that up, but I think it fits.

You see, there is a scarecrow sticking from a hay bale on my front porch. There's a pretty Fall-ish wreath on the door. There's a puknin out there too.

The Christmas CDs are out. The candles on the table are orange. There are some festive gourds in the fruit basket.

Giant Rubbermaid tubs sit half-opened by the garage door.

Thanksgiving is still 3 days away.

I haven't packed a single thing.

And the Christmas tree is up.

I'm having some holiday confusion and anxiety.

I always feel sad that our Christmas decorations go up, and then we go a-traveling. And I don't get to see them very much. So this year, the tree went up early.

I'm trying to convince the boy that we need to wait to put out EVERYTHING else.

'Cause when you go out of town for Thanksgiving and you are the owners of a particularly bad-mannered and devious cat... well...

Let's just say the wise men and nutcrackers deserve better.

She's already yanked some poor little snowman off the tree 895,629 times. By his raggedy little scarf. And the tree's only been up 48 hours.

Here's hoping your turkey fixins are ready and that you bought enough food.

I was at The Mart this morning, and it wasn't pretty.

God bless us, every one. Especially snowman ornaments.

In the Elementary School 'Hood

We ran some errands after school today.

A haircut for the boy.

A caffeine shot for me.

A stop at the post office.

The. Longest. Lines. Ever. (Not just today. Every day.)


One post office on base + a zillion people mailing packages to a zillion deployed soldiers + renovation and construction at said post office = HEADACHE.

Anywho... while we were there, we saw a teacher from the boy's school. She needed help with a HUGE box because she's pregnant. I lifted her box for her, and trust me. She would have popped that baby out right there if she'd lifted it.

So when we get back in the car, 57 hours later, I say to the boy,

"I didn't know Ms. Teacher was pregnant."

He says, "I did."

I say, "How did you know?"

He says, "My friend told me. She knew. She probably heard it from so-and-so who told it to so-and-so."

I say (laughing), "Ya'll are nosy." (Which is SO true of my son.)

He says, "That's the way 4th Graders roll."

Word to my home dog 9 and 10 year-olds.

Our Veteran

I have to confess that I used to think all veterans were old men. Old men who wore 3-piece suits and stood up in church to be recognized on certain Sundays of the year.

Boy oh boy, was I wrong. And naive. And we'll just chalk it up to my young age.

Now I know the truth.

And now... I'm married to one!

But...
I know veterans who aren't even 25 yet.

I know girl veterans.

Single veterans.

Veterans with degrees and veterans fresh out of high school.

Veterans with one "tour" and veterans with too many to list.


I know families who wish they had a veteran to honor this week.

I hope that we all would take more than a day to honor those who served. And those who are still serving.

PS... Yep. That's my skinny minny husband on the left up there. Gheez. I told him he wasn't allowed to come home weighing less than me.

Don't fret peoples... he will gain it ALL back. He always does. Two or three trips to Red Robin and Outback and he'll be back to his old self.

I even hesitated in posting this picture for fear of what his mother and grandmothers and aunts will say to me when they see it... "That poor little skinny thing!" ... "He's just wasting away!" ... "If he were here we could fatten him up!" ... "The Army should feed them better!"

If you ask me, I think if he's gonna be flying around in that tiny helicopter and standing on that narrow mountain... he's better off skinny.

One Week and 5 Days of Us

Merciful heavens. It has been awhile, people.

I am not about to make any excuse for my blogging lapse.

So here's a recap. In no order whatsoever. With no purpose or deep-seated meaning at all. Purely random. Like me.

1. Halloween was a sugar-infused blast of a good time. My mom and dad came up for the weekend, and I know they left tired. The boy went as a Dementor. "What's that?" you say. It happens to be an evil creature from "Harry Potter." It will chill the air around you as it sucks your soul from your body. Just precious for a chaplain's (ex-preacher's) son, don't 'ya think? So cute without the hood, too.





(By the way, I know that my husband is STILL a preacher. I just get a kick out of saying "ex-preacher.")

2. We went to Disney in Ice. Yep, Disney on Ice. Not at all related to Halloween, but equally as fun. There was a special event here for the children with deployed parents. The arena was FULL. The show was great. I sang along like nobody's business, Loud and proud... much to the dismay of some lady in front of me. I am a human catalog of memorized Disney songs, and I didn't disappoint.

The snow cone and cotton candy were $87.68, but the tickets were free. And did you know that Donald Duck can drive a Zamboni?





3. We have begun the process of getting braces on the boy's teeth. Therefore, no one is getting Christmas presents. Good grief. Have you priced a mouth full of hardware lately? It pains me, and it's paining our savings account.

4. I made a fool of myself at the McDonald's drive-in. What is it with me and fast-food drive-ins lately? Maybe it's God telling me to eat healthier. I misread a sign that named the winner of a contest. It said that Mary D. and Tom S. won $10,000. I thought it said that Mary D. Won and Tom S. Won won $10,000. See my mistake? I thought they both had the same last name... the last name "Won." They were both very non-Won looking. I had to laugh at myself. I was also wearing my sparkly witch hat at the time. I think that distracted everyone from my stupidity.

5. We have passed the 6 month mark in Dan's Army "vacation." It is a bit hard for me to fathom that 6 months have gone by since we saw him. Since he was home. Some days it feels so easy and manageable. Other days, it doesn't. I could go on and on and on. I could whine about being a single mother or being lonely or trying to make sure my son's ok... but I shouldn't. I know lots of single moms who get through life's challenges every day. I know that people can be lonely with a house full of family. And my son? He's doing great. We lean on each other and he's learning that God is the one seeing us through. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

6. I am enjoying the cool weather.

7. I want to kiss the person who invented "Fall Back." Seriously. Well... hug them. I just can't be kissing random people with my husband gone and all this swine flu going around.

8. I hate making holiday travel plans. It's that time of year again when I obsess over whether or not everyone is happy with the arrangements. I know, I know. It's not something to obsess over. But, it is what I do best. Besides feel guilty.

9. Bought myself a new American flag and a cool solar light to illuminate it at night. Ain't I patriotic?

10. I had a girls' night out while my parents were here to play with the boy. Some pals and I went to a yummy Italian place. We all ate steak. My good friend told our server to bring on the bread, meat and wine. A great meal and a good time.

Happy November, folks.