If Al Roker Needs An Intern, I Am Available

Well according to some fancy fat rodent named Phil, Spring will arrive early this year.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  Winter gives me a good excuse to wear comfy clothes and EATALLTHEFOOD.  An early Spring means I need to lose 50 pounds and get a spray tan.  I am not ready.
The weather here in Tennessee lately reminds me of myself... Confused and weird.  A little over a week ago, we had 7+ inches of snow which kept us cooped up in the house for about 5 days.  This past weekend, it was almost 70 degrees.  And today, we have tornado warnings.  I have taken to watching The Weather Channel like I'm living in a retirement home.  Call me when it's time for Bingo.

This time last year, when Snowmaggedon hit, the boy and I made a few videos of ourselves sledding.  I put one or two on Facebook because they were funny, and we were bored.  Y'all.  Those "Snow Day" videos took on a life of their own.  In just a few hours, people were texting, calling, and messaging me asking when we were going to post a new one.  At first we were flattered, and it was fun.  Then we felt like we needed to produce a new video every day, each one funnier than the last.
This year, when the weatherfolk started talking about "significant accumulation" for our area, the calls and the texts and the messages started.  Peer pressure is alive and well.

The snow on the first day was too fluffy.  The next day was all ice, so I videoed the boy making a smoothie. (Desperate times called for desperate measures.)  My friend, J, texted me and said, "Y'all are losing your touch."  Even Dad/Daddy said we needed to "step up the game" with our sledding and snow videos.  Everybody's a critic.
On the 3rd and 4th days, we were able to get out and sled. 

To keep our audiences happy, we tried various ways of sliding down the hill, including piggy back.  The things we do to keep people entertained.

Dan/Daddy said we need another sled.  I 'm not sure we would have as much fun with two sleds. We definitely would not be as cold, wet, and injured.  Becoming an icy human pretzel is always a good time.

Now that we are having a February heat wave, there are nasty storms rolling through.  Our downstairs is partially underground, so that is where we go when the weather warnings start.  We also put the pets in their crates and put them in the downstairs bathroom. 

When the first tornado sirens went off, I asked the boy to help me get the cat and crate her up for the evening.  She was hiding under his bed.  It's too bad I didn't have the camera rolling for the half hour we crawled around in the floor. 
We shooed her to one side, and she would scoot to the other side.  I poked at her with a Nerf Gun, and she hissed at me.  The boy was able to grab her front legs, and she arched her back up into the space under the mattress, making it impossible to drag her out.  When we finally got her out and put her in the pet crate, she was perfectly fine, but the boy had a headache, and I had a crick in my neck from crawling under the bed.  It was big fun.
The local news weather forecasters always say we should have a "severe weather plan" in case of severe weather.  Well I have one, but I might need to tweak the part about getting the pets to safety.

I would hate to perish in a tornado because I was caught up in a cat rodeo.

Falling Socks And Sweet Tea

This time last week, I was motivated.  I was ready to get back into a routine, I was de-Christmasing the house, and I was on a cleaning streak that would make Martha Stewart cry.
Today I am on my 3rd cup of coffee, I am trying to decide if the dog can go one more day without a bath, and I am annoyed with all winter sock selections.
I watched the Golden Globe Awards last night, and now I am obsessed with trying to figure out how folks in Hollywood age in reverse.  I know... it's personal trainers and personal nutritionists and designer clothes and loads of Botox, but OHMYWORD... The beautiful people get more beautiful.

And, to top it all off, I haven't won the Powerball.

I am so glad I did not make any New Year's Resolutions this year, because the New Year Resolution Police would have locked me up by now.  I know I need to exercise more, eat better, be nicer, and lose many pounds.  Making a real list of things to do that I should already be doing is not going to motivate me.  If I'm not doing it already, what good is "resolving" to do it?  It works for a lot of people; it just does not work for me.
On January 2, I got a text from my sis-in-law...  She had been discussing New Year's Resolutions and goals with my nephew.  These are my nephew's goals for the new year:
1.  Eat more chocolate
2.  Rest on the couch daily with BBQ chips and sweet tea from Chick Fil-A.

Amen.  And Amen. 
Now those are goals I can get behind.  Those are goals I could achieve and achieve easily.  I love my nephew, but now I feel like we are kindred souls.

Now back to that sock issue.  I love Winter and all things that go with it, especially boots.  But I am having a sock conundrum.  The sock choices are endless... Cute, warm, colored, patterned, lace-trimmed, fuzzy, fleece-lined, sassy, and adorable... But none of them will stay UP.  I put them on, head out the door, and within 20 minutes, I am yanking them back up to where they should be.  Does anyone out there feel my pain?  Or have you all discovered the best socks in the world and have kept them a secret?  I try to blame my chunky calves, but then I realize there are gals with chunkier calves than me who never seem to have a sock issue.  I have tried different brands and different styles, and I am spending way too much time pulling up my socks.  I am open for suggestions.

So if I had to make a list of New Year's Resolutions, it would look like this:
1.  Find socks that stay up
2.  Become a famous Hollywood actress so I can age in reverse, too
3.  Win the Powerball
4.  Bathe the dog

If all that falls apart, you will find me on the couch with some BBQ chips and some sweet tea from Chick Fil-A.

The End of 2015

Well Happy 2016.  Christmas was 14 days ago, and New Year's Eve is a blurry memory.  Let me clear that up... New Year's Eve is a blurry memory because I am old and boring and went to bed before midnight.  It's not a blurry memory because I partied too hard.  Unless "partying" involves wrapping your scaredy-cat dog tightly in a blanket to keep her from having a firework-induced doggie heart attack.  If that's "partying," then put me in rehab.

Christmas was big fun, and we made the annual travels to see all our people.  We saw Dan/Daddy's family in Florida, spent 3 days at home in Tennessee, and then went to see my family in South Carolina.  Everywhere we went, it was hot.  And humid.  No one could stop talking about the Christmas heat wave.  To say I was not a fan of the weather would be a huge understatement.  I don't even like hot humid weather when it's supposed to be hot and humid.  Blah.  No one wants to sip hot cocoa by the cozy fire.  No one wants to wear their new sweaters and fuzzy socks.  Christmas 2015 will forever be known as The Christmas We All Sweated.

The boy made cookies with his Nana... A tradition they continued with the AC on.  And while wearing funky cat t-shirts, apparently.  Meowy Christmas.

 

 

Dan/Daddy's grandmother loves having us over to her house for presents and deserts.  Grandmas can rock a Christmas sweatshirt even in a heat wave.  I would have been a puddle.

In SC, this is the only picture I was able to get of my nephew and the boy.  The rest of the photos were blurry because my nephew is 7, and never stops moving.  This was also 4.2 seconds before he peeled off his shirt and opened all his Christmas presents semi-nude.  Did I mention it was hot?

Church selfies.  Please don't judge.  Look at my sweet mom, smiling at the boy... She loves having us all home and able to go to church with her.  But her sweet daughter and other grandson are goofing off.  Church is obviously the best place for all of us.

 

 



Once we were home from all our Christmas travels, we rang in the New Year with football games and large amounts of cheese.  The boy was out celebrating at a friend's house, so Dan/Daddy and I watched TV and grew roots to the couch.  I did about 40 loads of laundry, but that's not glamorous, so I'm trying to forget it.  I made the executive decision to watch the ball drop in New York, and being a fan of Eastern Time, I went to bed at 11:20 pm. 
I said, "If it's 2016 in New York, that's good enough for me." 
Dan/Daddy said, "It's been 2016 in Australia since this morning... Why did you even get up?"  There's always a critic.

I hope your Christmas was cold and full of fun.
I also hope your New Year's Eve was half as exciting as mine.

December... 12 Days In

Well hello, December 12th.  Christmas is 12 days away.  You're welcome.

It's taken me two weeks to recuperate from Thanksgiving. We drove all over the southeast like crazy people.  We spent two days with Dan/Daddy's family and two days with mine. I took tons of family pictures, ate carbs like they were going out of style, and learned a really inappropriate song from my nephew.
The drive from my parents' house to our own should take about six or seven hours, but on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, it took twelve.  Most of the trip we inched along at a blistering 11 mph. We even saw two cars get into a minor accident, and when the drivers got out to check the damage, the traffic started moving. They shook hands, hopped right back into their cars, and kept going. No dented bumper was worth spending any more time on that highway.
Thankfully, we had Adele to sing us through the hours of torture.  (Y'all.  That girl can sing.) 
We also listened to every Christmas CD we own.  (Yes, we still listen to CD's like it's 2005.)  I took a video and sent it to my sis-in-law to show her the nightmare of a traffic jam we were in, but I didn't realize you could hear the music playing in the background.  I also captured Dan/Daddy's excitement when we got up to 14 mph.  It's the little things.

I read 36 back issues of People, filed my nails, debated the Presidential race, made too many "to do" lists, and cleaned out my purse.  We eventually made it home and spent another hour unloading the car.  I'm getting too old for this.
I am looking forward to the day everyone comes to my house for the holidays.  I want to drag out all the extra chairs, forget to buy ice, make way too many desserts, and feed all my people.  I told the boy I'm excited for the days he brings home friends from college, and I can drive them batty offering "one more piece of pecan pie." 

Since Thanksgiving, the whirlwind of holiday madness has descended.  If you are one of those calm, organized, "I finished my shopping in August" people, just pray for me.  I have decided the holidays would be easier if we could stop all the regular activities and just do Christmas-y stuff.  I can't keep up with laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, errand running, soccer practices AND do all the holiday stuff.  It's either one or the other.  If the Christmas presents get bought and the cookies get made, then there's a good chance the dog hasn't been fed, the towels need to be washed, and someone ate cereal for dinner.  Here's where I give a big ol' shout-out to all the working moms who have grown-up jobs on top off all that other stuff.  Who am I to complain?

In other holiday news, I gave in to the yard decorating pressure I avoided for a long time.  I have always liked white lights and simple decorations outside.  Well guess who threw caution to the wind and dragged home two yard inflatables?  This girl.  My elf helper was excited.

 

In case you think I'm starting to get it all together... While we were setting these up, the dog ate up all the cat's food, and a rotisserie chicken I had forgotten to take in the house leaked chicken juice into my car.  My yard looks festive, but my car smells like roasted chicken.  It's one or the other.  



Happy Thanksgiving And Deck The Halls

I have one of those houses.  One of the houses you have heard people ranting about.  I have become one of those people.  People who your Facebook friends are talking about.  Yep.  I have at least two different holiday decorations up at the same time.  It's Thanksgiving on my mantle and Christmas on the other side of the room.  My house is holiday-confused, and I am ok with that.  HGTV was not calling to do a special on my decorating skills anyway.

It seems to me the "When Can You Decorate For Christmas Wars" started early this year.  I also call them the "When Can You Listen To Christmas Music Wars."  I say live and let decorate.  I love Christmas music, but I have friends who listen to it all year.  Really.  I'm not exaggerating.  Why do we have to be "Team Thanksgiving" or Team Christmas" at all?  Can't we be both?  I am over here waving the holiday truce flag.
I started putting up the Christmas tree before Thanksgiving a few years ago.  We were traveling all during Thanksgiving, and it was my plan to come home to a twinkling Christmas tree.  It just makes me happy, and it seemed to help in the chaos that is the 4 weeks between the 2 holidays.  It was one less things to worry about.
I am a lover of all things Thanksgiving, and having my tree up does not make me less focused on being thankful.  It makes me more thankful... for a tree that is already up.

I hope and pray you have a beautiful Thanksgiving.  I hope you get to eat your favorite foods with your favorite people all around you.  I hope you don't count calories or the number of desserts you eat.  I hope you remember to be thankful on Thursday and every day.  Even if it's not Thanksgiving!  I guess if we can try to be thankful every day of the year, my crazy friends can listen to Christmas music all year, too.

In case you are concerned about my sad holiday decorating skills, I did a quick check before sitting down to write this, and I am fairly certain there's no remnant of Halloween still around.  Unless real spiderwebs count. 

Up To Date

I spent the last half of my week dragging people and pets to various appointments where we received a total of 8 shots.  We are now all up to date on our vaccinations.  The boy and I went to get our flu shots.  The flu shot is big fun all by itself, but when the nurse checked the boy's charts, she saw he was due for a booster of the meningococcal vaccine.  Good times.  He looked at me like he was 5 years old all over again... eyes wide open... and said, "We are gettin' ice cream." 
Shots at the doctor = ice cream on the way home.  We sat on the couch last night complaining about whose arm hurt the worst.

Then this morning, I took BOTH the cat and the dog to the vet.  At the same time.  Our cat was due for her yearly check-up and vaccinations, so I called and made an appointment.  The receptionist reminded me the dog was due for a heartworm check and vaccine, so I made the bold move to take them together.  I decided if I'm loading one furry child onto the car, I may as well load two.  I'm a sucker for a stressful event.
Our cat was great.  She scrunched down into her box and let the vet check her from head to toe.  She didn't even flinch when the needles went in.  The dog, however, was a different story.  She whined and cried and zoomed around the exam room like a needy toddler.  When it was her turn to have blood drawn, she whimpered like crazy... after the needle came out.  She begged the vet for attention, she begged the vet tech for attention, and she pawed at the door.  She even took a treat from the vet, and then spit it out on the table.  I was embarrassed.  The fur kids were not.

Even as I was trying to pay my absurd bill and check out, our dog pulled on her leash and tried to get the attention of every single person in the lobby.  In case you are wondering, no one got ice cream on the way home.

Back To Reality And Rain

The weekend was 4 whole days ago, and we are still celebrating around here.  The boy's soccer team won our State Cup Tournament!  First place in their division!  This kid never gives less than 100%, and he fought a lot of obstacles to be on this team.  A lot of prayers went into this season, too.

 

I think he was in a tiny bit of shock after the win.  He gave me the biggest hug right there on the sidelines, and I think it was one of my top 5 moments as a mom.  His shock wore off quickly, and the celebrating started...

 

 

Our sports victory high came to a screeching halt bright and early Monday morning.  The "check engine" light was on in my car... for the 3rd time in a month.  Thankfully, it was a minor issue (again).  The mechanic explained this particular "glitch" happens in older cars.  You say "old,"  I say "paid for." 

I also had my yearly eye exam.  Whoever said it's all downhill from 40 failed to mention you were riding on a sled down that hill.  A sled with no brakes.  I had to get new reading glasses last year, and I really only used them for reading.  That was then.  Now I wear them almost all the time to see up close.  The eye doctor said my eyes were fine... just old.  Umm, thanks.  She changed my prescription and suggested I wear my glasses all the time.  Thankfully I had my hair colored last week, or she may have pointed out my gray roots.

In weather news, I thought we were going to need a boat to get around yesterday.  It seems like we have had plenty of rain in the last several months.  We have had so much rain, I broke down and bought a raincoat.  A real waterproof raincoat with my monogram... Like all the young cute girls wear.  I wanted one for a while, but I was afraid as soon as I ordered it, the rain would stop forever.  The raincoat came Monday, and the rain started Tuesday.  I wore my new coat, but I discovered something important... Raincoats don't breathe.  By the time I got to my Bible study, I was a hot, flat-haired, sweaty mess in my cute raincoat.  Oh well, you can't have it all.

 

The same person who said, "It's all downhill from 40" should have also said, "Cute monogrammed raincoats don't breathe."  And, "Old cars may be paid for, but they need lots of repairs."  And, "Reading glasses will soon become seeing glasses."  Oh to be young and athletic and a State Champion.





I Saw The Signs

I was pumping gas a few days ago, and I noticed the sign above the ice machine outside the gas station.  The sign said,

"Healthier Than Homemade"

 

Really?  Is that something I should be noticing when I put ice in my drinks at home?  I have never stopped to wonder, "Is this ice healthy?"  And I have purchased plenty of ice in those monster-sized bags from the gas station for parties or get-togethers.  Not once did I feel better about serving my guests healthy ice.

 

This week, the boy and I went to a park near our house to take some pictures so I can get a head start on the family Christmas card.  I usually try to take the Christmas card pictures over Thanksgiving, and it is as much fun as you can imagine.  The beautifully cool Fall weather we've had for 3 weeks straight magically disappears on Thanksgiving Day, and it turns out to be a humid 98 degrees.  I have visions of color-coordinated outfits and Fall-happy smiles, but what I typically get is someone squinting in the sun, at least 2 people dripping in sweat, and one or 2 folks complaining about the hot outfit they have on.  And there's only 3 of us.

So while I was torturing my son taking his picture at the park, we saw this:

 

 

Who walks on mud on purpose?  Maybe I'm not the adventuring type, but if I see a big, half-dried up, muddy lake bed, I do not have the urge to step out in it.  Who knew our park had quick sand?   I said I would pay good money to see somebody stuck up to their chest in mud.  Well, maybe I wouldn't actually pay to see it, but I would like to see it.

 

And then I had to run into the store this morning for a few quick 83 items.  This is the sign that greeted me at the door.

Thanks, Wal Mart.  My holiday anxiety was already beginning to rear its ugly head.  You have helped me shoot straight into full-on panic mode.

 







Do You Have A List?

If you are a parent, I am pretty certain you have a list.  I have a list.  I would love to tell you it is a written list, but that would be a lie.  I keep the list in my mind, where we all know it could vanish at any given moment.
My list is called, "Things I Never Thought I Would Ever Ever Say"
The list could also be titled, "Weird Stuff You Say When You Have Kids"
Some of my favorite items on the list are:
1.  Why is your underwear on the cat?
2.  Get down off the top of the refrigerator.
3.  Don't fight with a drink in your hands!
And my latest entry... "I got your tutu out of the garage for you to wear.  Again."
That is correct.  The boy wears a tutu.  But only on special occasions.

 

He was a cheerleader in the annual Powder Puff Football game.  He takes his role seriously, and - like all good cheerleaders - wears a short skirt.  Thankfully, he wears shorts and pants under it.
He was a cheerleader last year, too, but he had to borrow a pink tutu.  Heaven forbid.  So this year, he has his own.  He's even worn it before, but I can't remember what for.  Maybe I'm subconsciously blocking the memory.  Last week, he reminded me about the game, so I went rummaging through the costume box in the garage to find the tutu.  And that's when it happened.  I said, "Your tutu is in your room!"  I stopped and thought to myself, "That needs to go on the list."
New parents are sometimes given the advice to write down the funny and cute things their kids say, and that is great advice.  But the crazy stuff parents end up saying is just as entertaining.  And some things should not be forgotten.  Maybe I will start that list today.

"I Hate To See October Go"

I have ambitious plans today to take the giant spider off my front porch, and I am referring to a decoration... not my housekeeping skills.  Is it just me, or is it November already?  The end of October always makes me a tiny bit sad; it might be my favorite month.  I think Barry Manilow wrote a song about the end of October.  Granny may have to add that to her playlist. 
All things Fall make me happy... Changing leaves, college football games, clothes that cover all the stuff, and the (sometimes) cooler weather. Why does the weather never seem to cooperate on Easter or Halloween?  I have fond memories of either shivering in a too-thin costume or pouring sweat in something with fur. 

As usual, Halloween was big fun this year.  The boy hung out with his friends, and I passed out candy to miniature princesses, ninjas, and one rocket ship.  I may have become "that lady" who dresses up the cat and the dog.

 

I don't know why our cat missed the memo on the Star Wars costume theme this year.  Maybe Obi Wan and Leia picked up a space witch on the way back from Endor.

Our dog was a big help giving out candy to all the kids.  I call her my "Trick-or-Treater Greeter,"  and she was the life of the party.



 

In talking with a few mom friends of mine this week, we all agreed we need a way to freeze time.  To go back (for just a minute) to the days when our kids were the sweaty toddlers in the fur costumes.  To go back to the time when we could eat all the candy from their little plastic pumpkins and they were clueless.
Last week, the boy accused me of not wanting him to grow up.  Telling him he was wrong was fun, but it gave me the chance to explain the truth.  I told him I am loving having a 16 year old, just as much as I loved having a 6 year old.  Every stage and every age has been something to treasure.  (Except for all that no sleeping nonsense as a baby.)  I told him I am not sad he's growing up... I'm sentimental.  I think there is a difference. My job as a mom is making sure he does grow up, and I want to enjoy every step.  Then I told him to bring his mama some candy.

If anyone is worried about me, don't be.  The only things I love more than Halloween and Fall are the holidays.  I am already trying to decide when I can put up the tree.

Some Life Happened

Please overlook the date of my last post.  You will also need to overlook the snow pictures.
And in the spirit of forgiveness, please overlook my lack of motivation to blog.  My apologies to the few faithful readers.

All is well with us.  A lot happens in a year and a half.
Let me hit the highlights:
Sometime in the spring, we thought we were going to have to move to a new house.  We prepared to move, but then we did not have to move.  No stress there (insert eye roll).

The Boy started his first year of high school, finished his first year of high school, started his Sophomore year of high school, and started driving.  Lord.  Have.  Mercy.  I could stop here, and most of you would not only forgive me, but you might send me a spa gift certificate.

Dan/Daddy finished one job, started another job, got a promotion, and started school.

We took a few family trips.

We survived the Winter of 2015.  I love snow, but I even got tired of it.

I lived through two summers.  If you know me and my hatred of all things hot weather, you know this is a big deal.

The boy played a lot of soccer.  He even joined a new team.  A team not close to home.

We went to a lot of soccer games.  More than I can count.

We spent a lot of time in the car.

We celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.

We tried to see our families as much as we could.  It always feels like it's never enough.

Some of us gained a few pounds, a few wrinkles, and a pair of reading glasses. 

Some of us grew a few inches and gained some muscles.  Oh to be 16 again.

In other words, life happened.  I have missed you all.

There was no good reason to take a long break from blog writing.  I tend to be a procrastinator, and I once read procrastination is proof of perfectionism.  So let's just all say I was perfecting my perfectionism.  By procrastinating.

March Came In Like An Angry Lion

We are stuck in the house again.  Sunday afternoon was a little rainy, and that rain turned into pouring rain.  Then the pouring rain turned into pouring ice.  The ice mounded up, and snow fell on top of the ice.  And all of life as we know it came to a standstill.  We got the "real snow" I was whining about.  No church, no school, no work.  Even the mall was closed.

My brother, sis-in-law, and nephew had been visiting us for the weekend, so we hurried them out the door and hunkered down.  Thankfully, our power has stayed on, so we have enjoyed our 2-day winter vacation.  I will not enjoy it when the school district starts taking away Spring Break or adding days to the end of the year. 

We dug our high-tech sled out of the garage and spent the afternoon trying to kill ourselves.  I crashed into the house and the deck stairs about 8 out of the 10 times I took a turn. The right side of my backside is not feeling so well.  The boy smashed onto the concrete patio, and he may have to replace our wooden fence.

 

 

Is it obvious why he's a soccer player and not an Olympic bobsledder?  We took our dog on a few rides, too.  Well... we tried. 

I also tried to upload the video of me sledding with the dog, but the computer-internet is not cooperating.  What a shame.  I'll just tell you the dog jumped ship about halfway down the hill.

 

 

We are hoping to chip our way out by tomorrow.  Being stuck at home with my people is fun, but after about 5 hours, they start to eat up all the food.  I also can't afford any more injuries.

It's A Cruel Cruel Winter

When you read that title, did you start singing "It's a Cruel, Cruel Summer" by Bananarama?  From 1983? I did, but I had to Google who sang it.  Bananarama?  What kind of name is that?  I digress...

I am one of the weird people who like Winter.  But, Winter has been a booger this year.  I get sad when I hear folks talking about being ready for Spring, because Spring is still almost 2 months away.  On top of that fancy Polar Vortex, we've had ice, sleet, freezing rain, and wind chills consistently below 0.
My brother, sis-in-law, and nephew live north of Atlanta, and you have to be from Mars to not know what they experienced last week.  My poor sis-in-law spent over 20 hours in her car just trying to get home from work.  She actually spent the night in her car in an Olive Garden parking lot.  I may never get her to go out for soup, salad, and breadsticks again.

The kids here have missed 3 or 4 days of school due to ice on the roads. 
Our weather forecasts have predicted snow many times, and many times we've been disappointed.

The predicted 2-4 inches comes down as .25 inch and freezing rain.  I think snow is beautiful, and as a stay-at-home mom, I think a snow day is pure bliss. 
We just haven't had "real" snow.  We've only had flurries and ice.  No snowmen, no sledding, no snow ice cream.
If you live where the snow fall is measured in feet, I am sorry.
If your power has gone out, I am sorry.
If you live in Atlanta and spent the night in your car, I am very sorry.
I just want a few days of fluffy white, school-stopping snow.

Because of the missed school days, our school system has taken away the President's Day holiday.  The kiddos have to go to school on a scheduled holiday.  Not cool, school.
Earlier this week, schools were delayed (again!) an hour because of... you guessed it... icy roads.
The call came at 5:15.  That's AM, people.
We normally wake up about 5:30, so that call interrupted my last 15 minutes of sleep and started a nightmarish hour of torture.

5:15 AM - Phone call tells me school is delayed an hour.  I reset my clock for 6:30 and smile in my warm cozy bed.

5:17 AM - My bladder says, "Hey!  We need to go to the bathroom!  It's our normal tinkle time!"

5:20 AM - Back into my warm cozy bed.

5:28 AM - Dan/Daddy's cold medicine wears off and he begins to drown in his sleep, but he keeps sleeping peacefully.

5:30 AM - Put pillow over my head to mute snoring/drowning noises coming from 20 inches away.

5:41 AM - The boy wakes up, looks at his clock, and walks in to make sure I haven't overslept.  I whisper to him, "School is delayed. Go back to bed."  Not sure why I whispered... the freight train beside me lumbers on.

5:49 AM - The cat drags an iPod cord into the hallway to kill it, and she begins serenading us.  "Mrrroooowww!  Meeerrrrrroooowwlllll!"

5:52 AM - Take pillow off head and fling it into the hallway at the cat.

5:55 AM - Start to wish I had kept the pillow to put over Dan/Daddy's head.

6:00 AM - Begin to feel sleep washing over me.  Instantly get sad because I only have a few minutes left.

6:07 AM - Remember 392 things I need to do today and 374 I didn't do yesterday.

6:15 AM - Clock goes off.

I am grateful our school officials are concerned about safety.  I really am.  They are not, however, concerned about my sleep or my sanity.

The forecast for the weekend is calling for more snow.  Another forecast, another disappointment.
I may not even make a mad dash to the store for milk and bread.

Mama Don't Play

When the boy was about 4 years old, he would play a little "game."  If you asked him what his daddy did, he would say,
"Daddy plays!"  In his mind, his daddy's job was to play with him.
If you asked him what I did, he would say,
"Mama don't play."  He wasn't saying I never played with him... I did that ALLDAYLONG.  He was actually saying I didn't let him "get away with" bad behavior, but his dad did.  It's no secret I'm the main disciplinarian in the family.  And Dan/Daddy is the party animal. 
We pretty much continue in those roles to this day.  I even forgot he used to say that until one day last week... when it came rushing back to me.

We were driving to a dentist appointment, and when we stopped at a red light, the boy tossed his gum out the window... onto a sidewalk.
I said, "Did you just throw your gum out onto the sidewalk?!?"
"Umm... Yes."   (At least he's honest.)

I broke into a speech about gum on the sidewalk and how I have taught him better and "Have you lost your mind?"
He tried to justify his behavior, and I said, "Get out and pick it up."  (The light was still red.) 
He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, I am."

"Why do I have to pick it up?  No one is gonna step on it."
"That is exactly why you are going to pick it up... Someone is going to step on it.  It's rude to throw gum on the sidewalk."

"We've been sitting here a long time.  What if the light changes?"
"If the light changes, I will drive around the corner and wait for you.  Get out, and pick up the gum."

With a big huffy breath, he grabbed a Kleenex, got out, and picked up the gum.
He said, "I can't believe you made me do that."
At that exact moment, I remembered his funny little phrase from 10 years ago, and I said,
"Mama don't play."

Don't you just love it when your own words come back to haunt you?

Run And Fight? Or Eat Cheese?

You may have heard the news by now.  We are on the verge of a Velveeta shortage.  There was some sort of "issue" in the moving of production from one plant to anther combined with the holiday demand and boom... less Velveeta.  Did someone tell the Velveeta boss we are only a few weeks away from the Super Bowl?  Could there be a worse time for a melty cheese(?) crisis?

Sadly, in our house, there is usually a small stockpile.  This week, however, there was none!  When I was at the store yesterday, I grabbed these babies before the stampede started.  Well... There was no stampede, and there was a good bit of Velveeta on the shelf.  Thankfully, there is now Velveeta in my pantry.

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to get fit enough to outrun and/or kill zombies in case of a zombie apocalypse.  Do you like my motivation?  Not to "look good," not for "good health"... But just to be able to fight or run from a zombie. 

I have a feeling that this whole Velveeta thing is going to undermine that resolution.  Who am I kidding?  The candy in the jar behind the cheese(?) was going to do that.  Thanks, Santa.

Maybe the zombies will wait until the cheese(?) crisis has passed.

7 Days In

Welcome to 2014.  I have to keep saying "2014" out loud to remind myself.  I've also written "2013" on several things.  I like to keep people guessing.

We're only one week into a new year, and so much has happened.  I may not be able to remember most of it due to frozen brain cells.  The "Polar Vortex" descended upon us, and it is too cold to think.  I love that name... "Polar Vortex."  How cold did it get at your house?  Our lowest low was 1 degree.  Mercy.
The news stations told us how to prepare for the extreme cold.  Drip the faucets, wrap the pipes, bring in the pets, and crank the cars.  No one told me to prepare for smoke detector Armageddon. 
Apparently, extreme cold can cause smoke detectors to malfunction.  It's true.
I spent half an afternoon trying to find a chirping smoke alarm in my house.  When I finally figured out which one needed a new battery, I discovered we had no 9-volt batteries.  I had to let it chirp until I could run out to the store and buy new ones, because smoke detectors which are hard-wired into the home security system will CONTINUE to chirp and/or SCREAM even without a battery.  It's like they're possessed.  There's nothing like standing on a ladder in your 12 degree garage while the smoke detector above you blares a high-pitched tune.  Because my hands were so cold, I dropped the battery and had to climb down, pick it up, and climb back up again.  Twice.
Today, another one started beeping. 
Then, when I went outside to warm up the car, I heard an unmistakable sound coming from the vacant house across the street.  Every smoke detector in the empty house was beeping.  It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from.  I can even hear the neighbor's alarms from our house.  Because my own weren't enough.  I may have to move. 

The "Polar Vortex" has also kept school from starting back on time.  It's been too cold for buses to crank and too cold for kids to be out.  Now, we have another day of vacation due to broken pipes and heating systems in the schools.

All this extra time at home is making the boy love me more.  I made him clean out his closet yesterday.  The start of a new year always makes me feel the need to purge our house of unnecessary stuff.  It's funny how 14 year-olds don't share that vision.

In honor of all the cleaning and purging, I turned over a bottle of soy sauce on the top shelf of the refrigerator today.  Soy sauce went everywhere.  I had to take everything out of the fridge - including all the shelves - wash it all off, and put it all back again.

If some soy sauce would spill on my front porch, maybe I would have an excuse to get the last of those Christmas lights and garland put away.

Hopefully, life will be back to normal in a few days.  We may see temperatures in the mid-fifties by the weekend, and it's safe to say I will see someone in shorts and a tank top.  I have mentioned this before, but folks dressing "out of season" is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I want to go up to them and ask, "What do you wear when it is 105?"
Then they can say to me, "Why do you still have Christmas decorations on your house?"

Happy New Year, friends!

A Tale Of Two Cities

Well.  We have hauled out the holly yet again.  Didn't we just have Christmas?  Is it really only 2 days away?
Every year I go through at least 28 decorating dilemmas.  Should I use the same old lights?  Do I put out the Santas in the same place?  Is the wreath too worn out to hang up?  Should I pack up and protect the handmade ornaments?  Or hang them? 

How do we ever survive the holidays?  I have a knack for turning the smallest decision into a huge headache. 
The traveling, the gift buying, the decorating, the entertaining... I can make it all much more stressful than it has to be.
A few years ago, I received a beautiful new nativity set.

I love it, but now I have two.  Actually, I have 4 or 5... most of which are safely stored away in layers of paper.  I still display the one we bought the first year we were married.  This set is old, and the folks are a bit worn out... kind of like us.

 

 

So instead of packing up the old sentimental set, or not using the new fancy set, I put them both out.  Two Marys, two Josephs, two babies, six wise men, two donkeys, two shepherds, two sheep, and one cow.  I told you I like to complicate things. 

The more I look at them, the more I like having two.  I suppose the scene in Bethlehem is one thing we can never have enough of.

If I Run Away

For the boy's Fall Break, we went to The Happiest Place on Earth.  Again.

 

 

 

If it were up to me, I would go to Disney every year.  Maybe twice.  Three times a year isn't inconceivable.  But I'm not independently wealthy, and Dan/Daddy says we need to go on other trips and see other places.  Blah, blah, blah.  Tell that to these faces...

 

 

 

 It was a fantastic vacation, and there was only one sad moment... The day we had to leave.

 

 

 

If I ever go missing or run away from home, you will know where to find me.



Tweezers, Eyebrows, And I'm Back

I have developed a bad habit of not keeping up with blogging.  Maybe it's the busy pace of life.  Maybe I've been out saving the world.  Maybe I should stop lying.

To the 3 of you who read my random stories, please accept my lame apologies.
Now here's a tale I promise I didn't make up.

A few months ago,  I had my eyebrows threaded for the first time. Have you heard of threading?  The practice of threading apparently started thousands of years ago.  A piece of thin thread is used (by a person who knows what they're doing) to pluck your eyebrow hairs.  It's supposed to be less painful than waxing.
When left alone, my eyebrows look like 2 woolly caterpillars.  I've used tweezers on them for years, and I've had them waxed from time to time. 
I had heard of threading, and when a friend told me she did it, I thought I would give it a try.

The young girl who led me to a chair looked at my face and said,
"Do you know your eyebrows are two totally different shapes?"
Well. 
How have I been walking around?
My verdict on threading?  It hurt.  A lot.  My eyebrows looked good, but it took about 18 hours for the redness to calm down.  On my second visit, the technician took off so many hairs, I looked like a plucked chicken.
That afternoon, I asked the boy if my eyebrows looked bad.  He said,
"How fast do eyebrows grow?"
I was done with threading, and I decided to grow my eyebrows back out.  Well, first I had to actually grow them back.

Not long after the plucked chicken incident, I lost my favorite pair of tweezers.  No big deal, you say.  Buy new tweezers, you say. 
I did.  I bought about 5 sets of tweezers.  I tried and tried to find a pair like the ones I'd lost, but none of them were the same.
Then one day, while vacuuming out my car, I found my old tweezers.  Under the seat.
I have no idea how they got there.
Maybe they were trying to run away from home... Dying of embarrassment from my plucked chicken eyebrows.

I've always had a chap stick/lip gloss hoarding problem.  Now I have tweezers to go with them.

Happy Soggy Halloween

The last few weeks (months?) have come and gone and we may never recover.  The blur of activities is winding down a tiny bit, so I decided to decorate for Halloween.

That is the sad state of my back porch, friends.  I threw away some lifeless brown plants and then regretted not moving them to the front porch for added spookiness.
Our weather forecast for the day is dreadful... pouring rain, wind, and a chance of tornadoes.  Sounds lovely for trick-or-treating, doesn't it?

Stay safe today, eat lots of candy, and leave the spider webs until tomorrow!